Re: snooping. Let me ask you this: would a PA be a dealbreaker for you, or would it change in any way what your strategy would be?
Re: conversations. See above. You should only have conversations regarding family logistics, plus civil and polite "please" and "thank-you's". But NO R TALK.
I know it feels good that she talked with you, and you feel a load of pressure taken off your shoulders. But understand that SHE probably feels good as well that "wow, he seems okay with this -- he took it better than I thought," and that she has a HUGE load off her shoulders now that "He knows about _____ ," as she was probably scared to death that you'd find out!!
My advice would be to circle back with her and try to say something along the lines of "I was thinking about our conversation last night, and I'm afraid I might have left you with the wrong impression." And then firmly lay out what your boundaries are.
Search out Gucci Loafer's posts, and his advice. You need to start implementing his "I have decided ______" tactics, instead of deferring all of the endgame decision-making to a woman who is hell-bent at the moment on destroying her family.
