My W has complained in the past that I am to controlling. So i have been trying to do a 180 let go and let her do what she wants to do without asking.
Well, there's your first mistake. There's a big difference between taking a principled stance of "I don't agree with what you're doing -- at all -- but you're an adult, and I can't stop you" and "letting her do whatever she wants without asking."
I've read your sitch. Am I correct in understanding that your wife informed you that she is filing for divorce IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILDREN???? That is emotional abuse, pure and simple. She's also openly declared she's a cake-eater, and that she'll never tell you the truth.
and YOU are controlling???
"You are controlling" is a cheating spouse's speak for "I can't believe you're not giving me room in which to conduct my affair, unencumbered." It's b.s. "script" that more than 90% of cheating spouses say to get their betrayed spouse to back off. The sad thing is that most of us do it, and it's a mistake.
My first piece of advice to you would be to read "No More Mr. Nice Guy," and to think of two or three "boundaries of personal integrity" that you can lay out. One might be "no OM in our marital home" as a good place to start. My second piece of advice would be to see a good family law atty, if you haven't already done so. Preferably one who specialized in "men's rights" and paternal custody issues. You need to know what your rights are, and your potential vulnerabilities. Unfortunately, the deck is stacked against men, but there ARE things you can do to move things more in your favor.
Mr. Mom, you need to reassert some power in the relationship. Is this the kind of behavior you want to model for your children? I KNOW (from personal experience) how painful this is, and trust me, I sobbed my eyes out many, many times. But only ONCE in front of my wife, when I realized that that wasn't productive and I needed to get a grip.
