Oh my dear, I know this is easier said than done, but don't batter yourself with the why's. Chances are you will never know. You will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out the answers. Trust me on this, I have spent almost two years now asking myself the same question, and I am no closer to the answer.
As for the question of how selfish, be prepared for more selfishness than you ever knew existed. It is going to be ugly, hard, heart breaking. I don't want to scare you, but you do need to be prepared. You are going to need more inner strength than you ever knew existed.
You will want to call him every name in the book, but don't. If you need to vent, come here, because nothing can shock or embarrass any of us. We have heard it all. Sometimes, he will say things to you that sound so horrible you will wonder who this monster is. Post it, get it out, crush it....trust me, you would be surprised how many of us have heard exactly the same things.
Read as much as you can, DR, DB, anything you can get your hands on.
One more thing to remember. You need to evaluate your life. This, however, needs to be done for yourself, and not for him. Trust me, if you attempt to utilize the suggestions in anything you read merely for the fact to get your H back, he will know. And if he doesn't, he will eventually. Mostly it is about learning and rediscovering yourself, working on issues you would like to change. All of us need to change, to become better. In the long run, if you do it for yourself rather than your H, the changes will stick.
(((Crush)))
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
