(((Miska)))...Thanks. This has been really tough. I actually heard from the @#$%^&& H this morning in response to the email I sent last night about the filing fee that needs to go to the bankruptcy court in order to file the divorce. I asked him to pay for that considering I was doing everything else. He said he would send it to me....when he had it.
I am rolling my eyes, and feeling really angry at being placed in a position where I am the one expected to end this marriage. It makes me angry that I fought for this, and he just walked away.
But I also know that in the long run, I will heal from this, because I am allowing myself the time to heal. He won't.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I understand completely. I'm the one that had to push the D through too. Gabe was content to leave me swinging in the breeze. Of course, we all know where that has gotten me...HA!
So, he'll send it when he has it? Translation = never? That seems to be what most of the WAS's do. Walk away, leave the debt, leave us to pick up the pieces of everything without one look back at the broken pieces they left. YOU ARE THE SUPERGLUE LOLA!!!! You're putting those pieces back together quite nicely!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Mishka I agree. He won't send it. He will procrastinate. But nothing is keeping me from moving. I have so much going for me. My dad has revamped my resume and is sending it out to some people he knows. Nothing will deter me from making this move, because it is the right thing to do. It is falling into place too easily for me to ignore.
If he doesn't send it, once I get settled in VA, I will just do it myself, and file there. Although I hurt, and I am angry, I realize I am better than this. I don't have to put up with being treated like shiznit.
Everyone here, EVERYONE, deserves better than that.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
You have a good point Jack. I personally have learned quite a few life lessons. There are things in the last 20+ months I have learned that I would not trade. I am even more grateful now for the time to mourn the loss of this M, and to start over.
This time, though, I will be a lot smarter.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Some of you know that one of my H's biggest complaints was about my D22. She was a stupid teenager (is there one that isn't???), and this has been consistently one of H's complaints as to the demise of our marriage. As a matter of fact, the last time I spoke to him, he threw her in my face again, to which I reminded him that D22 did not make him have an affair. That may have not been standard DB language, but dammit I felt better.
D22 and I have worked hard in the last few months to put our relationship back together. It will never be the same b/c of the havoc reaked and the blame and pointing fingers (I did some of that too), but we are mending. My D22 has a beautiful little girl who will be 1 on Saturday. If you have not read my story much, the day I found out D22 was pregnant was the day H dropped the bomb.
Now here we are, 20 months later, and I looked at this precious baby, and she is magnificent. Beautiful doesn't cut it. I watched my D22 be a mother, and was in awe. She is the most beautiful young mother, doting on her daughter, checking on her when she cried. It was amazing to see this stupid teenager as a grown woman, an adult who has grown in ways that I could not have ever imagined. And I thank God for her.
My daughters are all precious to me, but D22 and I have had a really rough road. We spent the better part of the last year only speaking intermittently, and I regret this. It was so good to hold MY baby in my arms, and tell her how much I love her without actually having to say a word. Later, I sent her a text thanking her for visiting me, told her I loved her, and she told me no matter what the situation, I am still her mother and she loves me too. This made me cry a little, b/c I realize that no matter what, I will always have my precious daughters, and no one will ever take that away.
During my M, I felt caught between H and D22. I felt like I had to make a choice, and I refused to do so. I wanted them both. Ultimately, it was H who made the choice. I tried to see things from his point of view. D22 was irresponsible at times, mean at others. She is a bit of a drama queen, albeit not so much anymore. Motherhood will do that to you but nothing is unforgiveable when you have children.
Sometimes relationships need to heal. Given the choice, I am glad it was this one. I realize that this new relationship with my daughter is going to take time to cultivate and grow, between two adult women. It is going to be very different. Gone are the days where I can tell her what to do...she has her own home, her own H, her own D. It is bittersweet that I have to let that go. On the one hand, I see how marvelous she has become. And on the other, I grieve the loss of my little girl, who is now a grown woman.
If you are in the alternate universe, stop by my page. See my D22, and her D1.
Next month...I get to spend a week with D24 and my boys...GS4, GS2, and GS 5 months...I love reconnecting with my daughters in the way that I have. I think this experience has been painful, but has made me grow as a person, as a woman, as a mother, and for that I will have to remember to thank my H one day.
Of course, that will have to be one day when I am finished hating him...
XXOO Lola
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
