How do I not let this control my every thought?

[RedHeadWife]

The fact that she had been a stay at home mom and had just gone back to work explains a LOT, I think.

I can imagine that after staying at home and taking care of the kids and then being in a work environment with other peers would be great for her. All of a sudden, she has "friends" and a man who is telling her how wonderful she is and she sees this "new life" she can make for herself and it looks a heck of a lot better than what she has right now.

I agree with everyone else that your main focus right now should be the boys. You need to get your boys back with you if you can. Not only is she taking them to the BF's house and spending the night, but there is potential abuse there from his autistic children.

I understand how it is when the whole situation completely consumes your life and you can't think about anything else. That will "calm down" after awhile.

I think if you can just focus on the boys and protecting them and yourself in the ensuing D, that gives you a specific focus so that the entire sitch isn't overwhelming you all the time.