I am sorry you are here. My wife filed after the bomb was dropped on me in ecember '08. We will be divorced after 15 years together and two children S7 and D10.
You have to try and understand she is in a different state of mind now that she is in another relationship. She feels she wants to move on with her life and there is nothing you and do or say to make her change her mind at the moment. Even though you said she has been in another relationship for a few weeks, it is more than likely she was probably in an EA before that. Did you get any gut feelings or were you made aware things were not right between you?
Read as much as you can on other threads and you will see many similarities between yours and many other posters here.
The only thing you can control at the moment is YOU and your CHILDREN. Make sure they are looked after in this traumatic time, try to look after yourself, get the DR book, read, go to the gym, anything that will take your mind of your situation for the moment.
I think she wants you to date other people so that she can justify what she is doing, so don't fall for it even if you did wnat to date which I'm sure you don't. She is obviously very confused and it dosen't look completely finished IMO. Give her space and time to think things through, pursuing her will make things worse so back off and let her initiate contact, do not chase.
I, like you have until July before we are divorced. I am trying everything in my power to reconcile, but I now realise that may only happen after we are divorced. Even then she may never come back, but I will try and do the best for my children and me and that is the most important thing right now.
Get the book and go the Last Resort Technique and see if it will help your situation.
Keep posting as more seasoned posters with more experience than me will help you.
Best wishes,
Mark
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
Thanks for the insight. So you definitly think she is in another relationship?? I may know who that could be. Would it be wrong to call him and confront him???
Believe me I am in no position to give advice other than what is in DR. Did something happen to/with her? I am curious as to why she is moving so fast with the filing and everything. Are you in a position to go to counseling? I have been going without my H and it is very helpful. My therapist is helping me uncover some pieces to this puzzle and as to why H is doing what he is doing. For now, be nice to her, and give her a good reasons to feel that chemistry too. July 7 gives you some time too...you don't have to make any descisions today. Hope this helps a little. I know how scary this is, and how much it hurts. It is unlike anything I have ever experienced. Good luck...keep posting. Nicole
tjs my xh left me in Sept. of last year and filed for divorced in Nov. He also said he wanted me to date and go on with my life. I agree with the above poster, they just dont want to feel quilty and they feel better knowing we are doing the same. If you intend to stand for your marriage than do that "stand". When my xh thought I had "been with" someone else, he got angry and let his love show for me. Right now he is living with gf and plans on marrying her. He doesnt talk to me at all anymore since she moved in. They ARE in a different state of mind as long as they have op in the picture. It's like their past never existed. In fact, my xh told me as much. He said the only thing he wanted to remember from his past was his son. Very sad. Hang in there! I am divorced but I am still praying to reconcile. Have faith in GOD!
