Shoe is on the other foot now- HELP

[LisaLost]

Hello everyone, been awhile since I have been here. Signed on originally in 11/05. This Bb helped me so much it "saved" my marriage, I guess you could say that. I followed the procedures and it worked, but he continued to cheat with 3 other women. Actually moving out and living with them. We are currently together but I am the most unhappy I have ever been. We have six kids oldest is 14 and youngest is 7 months. I want out but that seems so selfish doesnt it?

We have never truly got the trust issue worked out and he would try so hard for a bit then be back to same old attitude of' well, I came back to you so you should be lucky" I stay home with the kids and he works. AS everyone knows the economy being bad well that has affected his job and our finances so even more stress. It just seems like we cant get on the same page. I feel like I am sinking into a pit of depression no matter how positive I try to be- I do have panic disorder and do take a med for that - not an AD.

The times when he is gone after a few days I feel good, Like I can get my life together and all will be great and I get my list out and start adding things to do and seem to be more organized but then when he wants to come home I feel obligated because of the kids and then my spirit is in the dumps

I bet this doesnt make sense - I will try to write more later

just trying to get some of this confusion out of my brain!

Lisa