The adventure continues--the saga goes on

[AFWAW]

Hoop,
I'm just tired of the heartache. No luck w/ finding the OM's name at this point. It may be a few weeks and I have a feeling that MIL scared the W into cooling it off for a while--possibly, call it a feeling. I will still attempt to find out the OM's name and type of vehicle so I can verify if he is visiting the W still.

Do yo have an idea what you will say to your wife if she says that she wants to work on the marriage? What if she says no?
What is the plan for this weekend if she says yes or no? Will she make an honest effort to try or is this just eyewash for your daughter? If you take a trip who sleeps where?

Yes, I have an idea of what I want to say. Something to the effect of that's great, let's put all our cards on the table about what we want and where we want to be as man and wife. Also, we need to start out w/ clean slate on everything! It will not work IMO w/o a clean slate. She needs to let go all the past hurts as do I. She didn't mention the trip last night and I didn't pursue it. She did mention that she was upset that my D didn't want to spend time w/ her and said something about D made plans to spend time w/ a friend? I knew nothing about it.

I hate to say this but you would not be the first to discover he had an STD and if she admitted four affairs in 7 months I wonder what else were you not told.

She claims she's been checked out--this is the least of my worries right now. When and if she comes home we can broach that subject.

Stay calm, try to maintain your emotions, your goal if this goes further should be for her to know you are a good man, kind, loving father, and not have her last memory of you be negative. If she says no just tell her I am sorry you feel that way and cut contact with her...if OM is gone for the long weekend you will not get a much better chance to set this up...even better if your daughter doesn't want to be with her although I hate to see her having to choose one of you so try not to put her in the middle...it it so sad that she missed the concert. Did she give you a reason? Curious if the OM is back in town.

It is difficult to maintain my emotions at this point--I have never felt this much pain in all my life--I really wish it would go away. If she says no, I have no choice but to cut contact w/ her. This will be the only way I can survive and maintain my sanity. As far as missing the concert, she didn't give a reason, a valid one anyway--she claimed she just didn't remember--very sad as it was really good.

Have you decided on what you want to do...short, mid, and long term...for your personal growth. Advanced degree or another BS, something you are interested in for life after the AF? Savings goals? Probably the most common problem I see is underestimating the amount of money needed after retirement...if you are not ready do not retire before HYT.

I have not decided anything at this point. I figure I will stay in a least one more year and see how I feel. My mind is so clouded at this point that I feel it would be unwise to make a life-changing decision. However, if we decide to divorce, I will float my resume up and down the east coast and if offered a job comparable to what I'm making now, I will probably accept and retire from the AF so that I can provide a more stable home life for my D free of deployments.

I have no idea about the OM. I suspect from her daily calls and desire to spend time w/ me and my D this weekend that he is either out of town and/or she has decided it would be wise to cool things off right now due to MIL warning of possible exposure. W asked me about this last night again if I had called MIL.

I was working on my Master's before I left for my deployment but have decided to hold off a bit till I can regain my focus. As far as money is concerned, I'm good for right now. Not a lot saved and I will be better off when our house sells but I don't see retiring until I have a job lined up. Hopefully, today is the day the wife gets out of her funk. I'm praying that it is.