I'm sorry you're here, and what you're having to go thru. I know it won't make you feel any better, but your wife is displaying all of the classic "script" signs of a woman who starts having an affair. I'm not excusing her behavior, or her decision -- that is on her alone -- but do NOT think that this is "the real her" -- it's not.
Something happens to our brains when we fall in love, or even lust. Physiologically, the brain gets awash in endorphines and "love chemicals" and these things even show up on CAT scans. It's the same thing that made an otherwise sane, intelligent adult female astronaut drive across country WEARING AN ADULT DIAPER, just so she wouldn't have to make bathroom stops while she drove to Florida to avenge her man.
Your wife is very likely addicted to the rush of this affair right now, and if you can think of her as an addict, it will help you not only understand her sad, bizarre behavior, but it will help you keep your love for her while you try to deal with it.
