How do I not let this control my every thought?

[Travis]

Lost,
It's hard for me to answer the question of if D is what I want. I'm sure this will sound like so many others on here, but my wife is a totally different person. She used to be the most caring, unselfish person I know. Whether it be me, the kids, our family members, friends, she always put everyone else first. I'm sure that's where a lot of this is coming from. She probably gave too much and received too little. What frustrates me is that she says she's been miserable for a long time and just never had the strength to leave. Her boyfriend and friends gave her the confidence she needed to leave. Hmm, imagine that. I disagree with a lot of this, though. I started a new job and the month before she left she bought me a big new computer desk to give me some organization. A month before leaving we bought her a new vehicle with both our names on it. Everything was fine until the day I found those phone calls to/from OM, which was 03/11. The first phone call was 02/25. Hours upon hours of texts and phone calls in those 15 days. The only reason I even noticed them was because my phone bill was higher than normal and I examined to figure out why. She didn't have a texting plan on her phone and there was 60 some texts to this one number in 15 days. I checked the phone records. Hours of calls starting on 02/25 to the same number. I called the number, praying a woman would answer. A man's voice. My heart sank to my stomach. When she got home I asked her if she was seeing someone. She said no, as she looked away as she said it. I knew deep down right then, when she couldn't even look me in the eye, that it was true. I asked her who's phone number that was. She told me it was one of her girlfriends from work. I told her I had called it and it was a guy. She said, oh yeah, that's one of my other friends at work. We just call and talk about our kids. Right! Well, the arguing started and she proceeded to bring up every small or large thing I've done for 11 years. Defense mode, I'm sure. Well, from that day on she's never been the same. This caring, giving wife and mother has been the most evil, vindictive, lying person I know. I hadn't found this site, so, of course, I did the begging and pleading and whatever else I shouldn't have done. Of course this just pushed her away further. She left on 04/11. Filed an ex-parte order on 04/13 (which was dropped before even going to court). Filed for D on 04/21.
So, it's hard for me to say what I want. If I could have my wife that I married back, sure, I would do anything. If this is who she is now, I don't think I could ever take her back. I'm willing to take my share of blame in this. I was gone a lot over the last 6-7 years for work, wasn't the best communicator, didn't say I love you enough, etc. But I tried to get her to work on us before walking away, if for no other reason, we owed it to our boys to try every last option before D. She told me to get it through my head, she didn't want to work it out. And I have a daughter, 12, from my first marriage that has thought of my wife as a 2nd mother since she was little. We got together when she was less than a year old. She even called my wife Mom. I told her she had to consider if she walked away, she was losing a daughter in this. It's not like she's gonna come hang out at my house every other weekend when I have my daughter. She said she knew the consequences and was doing it anyway. That's the only positive in this, is that it has brought me and my daughter even closer as we try to deal with this together.
So, yeah, I want my family back, but if this is truly who my wife is, then I think there is absolutely no chance.