Just an update here. I've been doing fairly well. I have been going through the epiphany that patience may just pay off here. I find that talking to some friends are helpful and some not so much. I am not going to try to lean to heavily on them other than involving me in GAL. My wife and I haven't had any real conversation on potential separation since my last update to this thread. I wonder if she is still deciding. Last night I came in from work very chipper and joined SIL and W for tv. The last few days I had been going out or staying in but not interacting with them much. I told a couple of funny work stories and my w actually laughed and they talked about how they had done some new physical activity that they hadn't done since last summer. Even showed my their bruises *lol* (they are into footbagging which is basically volleyball with hackeysacks).. After a while we quited down and watched tv and played laptop scrabble games and my wife seemed to suddenly act morose. She lay on the couch like a scolded or sad puppy in the latter part of the evening. I just went along with my business on the laptop and SIL went to bed and we went shortly after but finished watching one of our favorite shows which we tiredly discussed while watching. I just don't know here.. The first week and a half is strange.. We've only been married one year so this month could be very interesting..
Part of the problem since SIL H death is I let my boundaries slip with my wife. When we lived together without SIL before the incident yes my W could be very critical from time to time (during period) but normally we communicated fine. We seemed to have a compromise and just had fun. I would tell her to cool it (maybe not immediately) if she got critical and she relented. After the incident I wanted to be strong for her (which she requested)so I became unconditionally compasionate. Whenever she got critical or aloof I just took it so she became more critical and aloof more often. She did get better when she get on meds but the bomb still happened (very shortly after her med increase). It sucks because I was ready to get on with life with my wife after this incident get my boundaries back, go to IC, and get on meds for ADHD. I just hope I can still make these changes (which I want for me) and it's not to late for us.
I still want to talk about the twin but am still kind of formulating in my head what to say. Sometimes getting things down in writing is hard! ---- me-36 W-32 live in SIL-32 SIL H suicide - 11/09 ILYBIAMNILWYAM - 5/07/09 bomb - 5/07/09
