My last thread locked and it has been a week since I updated. I did get on and comment a little over the weekend, but I wanted to journal a bit and tell what's going on.
Last week my W was in the hospital in Germany for an intestinal infection. Happily, it wasn't as dangerous as it sounded at first. They did keep her in bed for a few days until the IV antibiotics kicked in and then they sent her home. I was a wreck at the time; vacillating between wanting to fly to her and be at her bedside, and wanting to talk to her and my MIL on the phone. My kids were also worried (esp my S17) and if I went, there would have been no way in Hades that he wouldn't have had a breakdown. Thankfully, it all turned out as it did.
I talked to her every day and she sounded so pained and forlorn. On Wednesday, I took a gamble and broached the R subject and asked her what she was planning on doing. What the heck, it seems that my only advances come from breaking the DB rules Anyway, she asked me what I thought she was going to do. Boy, do I hate these guessing games, but she does so seem to love them... I told her that I didn't know, but if I had to guess that she would stay in Germany. She said no. She said that she is ready to come back.
I asked her why she thought that, and she said that she missed the kids, and then softly, that she missed me, too. She said that she realized that she screwed up. She failed at everything she tried to do in the separation. She couldn't get a job or go to school or get a life. She knew that I was waiting for her (I guess I didn't project the non-dependency very well) and would love her and would work with her on our M when she came back. She even said that it was a mistake to ever have left. Coming from her, that is a huge acknowledgement!
She wanted to know if our S17 could come to Germany for a few weeks and then fly back with her to the US, because she really does have a hard time with flying and needs someone to sit with on the plane and an arm to hold. She asked her mom if she could come but she needs to work, so since my S17 isn't doing anything else, he is going to go to and help her pack and come home. He is leaving on May 25th and the two of them are returning on June 15th. I have the flight confirmation #s and everything is falling into place for her homecoming. She even broke the news to the kids herself. My S13 and D12 will be out of school on the 12th, so this is the perfect start-of-summer present for them. We also talked about taking a family vacation toward the end of june; taking a drive down the coast to the Redwoods and maybe even as far south as San Fran.
Of course, one of the requirements for coming home was that we are going to do couples counselling for a while, and work on our M independently, too. She is going to either go to school when she comes back, or she also thought about opening a little German hot-dog cart or something, anything, so that she is out of the house, meeting people and friends, and doing something. This alone is responsible for so much of her original depression.
I hope that this means that I'll be moving my sitch and my postings over to the piecing board, but I do plan to follow up and post here for a while, too. Thanks for all the help, advice, and the shoulders. While I won't be claiming victory and happiness for my M just yet, I think I can definitely say that the D is busted!!
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
SWEET!!!! Hope it works out well for you and your kids.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Are you considering the Retrouvaille in Mt Angel? If not, you should still go to their Octoberfest in the fall. I like it better than the Sausage and Saurkraut festival in Verboort that my parents took us to so many times as kids.
It would be great if your W can setup some German style business on the west side. Fetzer's used to be out in Beaverton and are sadly missed by many. Victors European Meat Market is behind my house in Tigard and I really like his stuff (especially the Lithuanian Garlic sausage and Hungarian Kolbasz), but he is getting on in age and I wonder whether his children will continue the business. There definitely is a market here for German food as all you need as evidence is to be part of the wait at Gustavs on the weekends. I am so much addicted to their cheese fondue.
Thanks guys. I know that I wouldn't be at this point without all the advice and help that I've received here.
KK: you better believe we are going to do Retro AND Octoberfest at Mt. Angel. It's all part of my renewed interest in all things German (my own heritage, too). We are going to do meet-ups and the like as well, so that she will have a connection to her culture here. She really does want to get into a restaurant because she loved cooking and is a superb cook, but I don't want her to rush into anything and get over-extended (like, oh I don't know, running off to Germany?) so starting out with a cart or a small imbiss is probably the best way to go. We will see where she wants to take it; who knows? I like Gustavs, but I prefer the more authentic Berlin Inn or Otto and Anitas in NE, and I suspect that is more the faire that she wants to go, too.
Stuck: as you say, the hard work is still ahead and I'm up for the task. I can shoulder the work; it's the panic and stress over the unknown that I don't handle well. Just two weeks ago I was going to walk into my L office and have him draw the papers up! I feel like I've paid my pound of flesh for the last 6 months (actually 60 lbs)...
Keep on keeping on my friends!
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
Anyway, she asked me what I thought she was going to do. Boy, do I hate these guessing games, but she does so seem to love them... I told her that I didn't know, but if I had to guess that she would stay in Germany. She said no. She said that she is ready to come back.