OK. I have some updating to do here, and I would love some advice. I have taken a little bit of a different path here. I felt like I needed to focus on being a good father, living a good life, and detaching. The difference with me is that I decided I needed to take the detaching all the way to dating. Nothing serious mind you, just chatting with some women. Anyway when I tlkd my w this, she got mad at me under the pretense that she was mad I would take a woman back to our house. This despite the fact that she is the one who made the ground rules and expressly said that was permitted as long as the kids weren't there. Anyway she said she wanted to talk about it. So I went over to the house and put the kids to bed. Then I sat down to talk. She kept asking me if I wanted a drink. Initially I said no, but eventually I gave in. She was drinking wine, and had been for a while. Anyway we talked about the situation. Long story short we started talkign about our relationship. I focused on validating her. And I think that worked ok. Eventually she got pretty tanked. She told me how her new boyfriend (51) is not that into sex but how he loves her. Eventually she asked me if I still wanted her. I said that yes I did, but that we shouldn't make love that night. She got mad and said, "I look great and your telling me you wouldn't have sex with me right now?" I knew she wasn't going to have sex. She just wanted to know she still had the power over me. So I said, "I think you are beautiful and I really do want to have sex with you. But it is not a good idea right now." She told me to leave. I went to go and stood in the garage. I could hear her crying. I just stood there for a couple of minutes and then she came out. I went back in and we talked for a while. She told me about how the previous night she had been thinking she had made a mistake, but I had gone to bed and she was mad at me for not staying up. She said it was indicative of all the problems in our marriage. She needs someone who notices the little things, is intuitive, doesn't take the "outs" that she gives. She told me how she is scared for the future.
I can't decide to what extent she saw me getting on with my life and she just wanted to make sure she could still drag me back in and to what extent she is really wrestling with second thoughts. I had really gotten to a place of moving on with my life and this morning, I really don't know what to do. Any help?
