He called me after the meeting to apologize and explain further. He said that he gets all messed up when he gets his hopes up of being together and then it doesn't happen. He said he gets messed up and wants to protect himself so that he doesn't relapse.
That's sounds about right...He's still trying to figure out himself
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He went on to explain how it hurts him that I don't want him back yet because it reminds him of all the damage he has caused and the hurt he has inflicted on me and others. He wanted me to know that his being distant and cold was just a protection and not evident of how he really feels about me.
This imo is sort of a cop out. I did the same thing he's just deflecting he knows what he needs to do but won't
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Said he would like to spend more time together while he is working on his recovery.
Would you want to be included? If so go to a meeting with him, some are open some closed(only addicts allowed). How do you think he would react to this?
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Then the really "low blow" was - after all none of my recovery would have happened if it weren't for you and the way you have stood by me or the way you have given me feedback about my behavior. (not sure if I should feel I am being manipulated or not)
I don't think he's be manipulative. My W basically forced me to go to rehab and I hated her for it at first but then realized if she hadn't I would have surly relapsed and I thanked her for it.
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My response yesterday and today is to remain even keel and pay close attention to how I feel. It would actually be easier to say it is ok to move back in Aug - which I did say a few weeks ago - and then still go through the quitting stuff when he doesn't like what I say or do. Just look back at my posts recently and you can see that it just keeps going. Altho, he did say he is changing that behavior.
I would keep an open mind to Aug if he's doing great with recovery many things with him will change during that time.
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I am really afraid of revisiting those memories all over again. I want to acknowledge his effort but I am terrified. That is why I wanted more than a few months.
This is the exact reason my W told me she doesn't want to work on our M, she doesn't want to revisit those feelings again and I don't blame her. I know it's got to be hard for you and I don't really have any good advice for you other than to wait as long as you can and see if you like the changes in your H...
Feedback?
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
