It's disappointing to me to see the number of people in this community who are led to change what they know is true about marriage, just because of a spouse who chooses to move on to another life.


Tell me fb, one day should you be sitting down with a young daughter who has fallen in love seriously for the first time, will you advise her to have NO expectations of her young man? Will you tell her that it doesn't matter what HE does or does not do, because the happiness and successfulness of their relationship depends solely on HER?


I sure hope not.


If I had a daughter, I would tell her that it takes TWO committed people to make a good marriage. I would tell her that if her potential mate cannot show his love to her now, there is practically no chance that he will be able to show it to her when life gets tough. I would tell her that she deserves to be cherished and loved, and that she deserves a man who is devoted to loving her and making her know how much she means to him.


Any less, I would advise her to wait for the next potential gentleman down the road.


Somehow, in DB mode, we become willing to accept the smallest of scraps from our spouse. Even worse, we encourage others to do the same.


How sad.


Kalni's husband left. I call that abandonment. Just as she reached the point where she had found peace and contentment, just as she was beginning to explore the possibilities of life in front of her, he decides that she looks a little too happy, that she looks a little too serious about truly divorcing him...and he claims to want back in.


And what has he done since then?


Not one blessed, solitary thing.


Not one.


On most days he cannot even handle being civil to her.


He has not ever come close to expressing love, committment, OR devotion to this woman whom he claims to want to be with.


What the hell?


I'm not sure why he chooses to string her along. Perhaps, like Kalni, the major motivating factor is the children. If so, I cannot at least appreciate the fact that he feels some responsibility to his children.



K, you do NOT have to settle. Those who suggest otherwise have spent FAR too long settling for scraps while their spouse lives the life that they want, oblivious to those left behind.


It's time for this to stop.



Blessings,

Bill

"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."