I believe it is possible for anyone to change if they want to. However, here is an immature boy who needs to do years of growing up. You have already worded most of what I could say and I think you have to look at the big picture where "time" is concerned and if you want to wait around about ten more years for him to grow. I am not sure that he would catch up with you mature-wise and it has nothing to do with the age difference. My H was only 22 when we M and we both had a lot of growing up to do but he was not like you described in your H. As you know, people grow in differnt speeds, so who knows how long it would take him.
I realize you have to consider your children and I would do the same thing. I wish you all the best.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sage words Sandi. Since my H is bio-dad to my kids, I find it hard to let go and accept that maybe some day he will evolve and be the guy he couldn't be for us. If I could protect them from him and his immaturity I would.
GoingtofixME- I know how hard this is for you. It is a positive that you can let him go completely if you choose to (as opposed to bio-dad whom you have to co-parent with etc). What does the life you want look like for you and your kids? Does he really fit in that?
I have come to some hard realizations and decisions in regard to my situation. I know what I will be doing and I appreciate everyone's help in my situation. Your advice has been invaluable. I will post more as everything comes to pass. For now, I am going to get a life, spend some well needed time with my children, focus on school and job, and spend less time in front of this screen. I hope for peace in your hearts and minds for everyone having to face the difficulties in their lives.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
I did not realize that your H was the bio-dad to your children. I don't know why, but I thought you already had the three children when he married you! Wow, so he is the daddy? Well.....that is even worse if he doesn't want the resonsibility of raising his own kids. I thought he was feeling the pressure of a ready-made family.
Well, I wish you the best. Hope you will come back at times to tell us what's going on in your life. I feel you are very strong and can handle whatever you need to.
Take care, sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Oh no Sandi, these are not his children. They are mine and were considered ours by him for a while. He chose to leave us all when he left. One of the many things he said about me as if it were something bad was that I would always be stronger than he is and he is right. I've battled a rare disease and am winning. I take care of people when most people who have what I have spend their lives on disability. I think that is very intimidating to some. Especially those who can't change minor things about themselves. *shrugs* I am who I am. I am learning the parts of me that hinder me in relationships and I am working on being the best me I can be. It's all good!
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
I wish I had an award to give you ((goingtofixme)). It is hard to fight a disease or to live in terrible pain. Both of my children are disabled, so I have seen some of that. I commend you for what you are doing and the way you think! You are not only a strong person but I think you give stength to those around you.
I know you don't want to think about it right now, but I believe there is somebody out there that is the right person for you. You deserve to find him......and he should deserve to find you. You sound like a woman with a lot of good sense and I believe you are putting your children before anything else. Good for you!
I hope you keep up the good work and don't forget to take good care of yourself.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I hope for peace in your hearts and minds for everyone having to face the difficulties in their lives.