Life turns on a dime. Sometimes, as we all know, it is for the worse. This morning, it was for the better.

Some of you know I have been in a very dark place, some of you don't. The place I have sunk to in the last several weeks is one that I was not sure I would ever pull out of. Losing H was one thing. Losing K was another. Yesterday, in church, I had a complete meltdown. My beloved Pastor M prayed with me, for God to give me some peace and solace. Today, God sent me my beloved father.

My father called me this morning, waking me out of about the 13th hour of sleep. That is all I seem to do. I told him I had lost my job, and his response? Well, Lola, there is nothing holding you to El Paso now, so lets get you home.

Those words were the most beautiful music to my ears. Although the time frame has not changed much, still much has changed. I now fly to VA on June 2-9 to begin my interviewing. When I get back to TX, I am leaving for a two week visit in GA with my daughter. And when I return to TX, I leave for another week to finish up the interview process. When I come back, I will be here for about five more days, and will say goodbye to TX forever.

I have not told H this, and am struggling with whether or not I will. I think that I will probably send him an email the morning I am leaving, so that he will not read it until I am out of TX (I am going to CO to visit my other daughter and my brother and sister in law first before venturing east).

If anyone ever tells you that God does not answer your prayers, they are lying. It may not be exactly what you are praying for, but He listens. So many things fell in place for me today. On top of everything else, after six weeks of endless phone calls to Texas Workforce Commission to apply for unemployment (the phones were busy), I actually got through and filed my claim.

I also got a copy of Mars and Venus Starting Over in the mail today (I dont remember who posted to read this book, but whoever you are, thank you). It is amazing, and within the first chapter I have learned that I am not through the grieving process yet.

I have also realized as long as I stay in Tx I will never get through it. This place is a daily reminder of two failed marriages, and twelve years of struggling. But it is also a reminder of when I learned to love again, with H. So I begin on a journey, both literally and figuratively. It is going to be a busy month, but I am so looking forward to being busy again.

Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..