I know, I laughed too. She sees this a lot more clearly than I do I think. She told me I'm tired of this crap. If she's not gonna divorce you, you need to divorce her! Wow, she's just ready to get on with life. So much zest and zeal for life and enjoying herself--I need to take some notes from her and relax some. She's really a good kid.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
John, I agree with PDT and would think 99% of the rest of the male population in our situation would concurr...if your W is telling you this is why she had an A she is not telling you the truth. If you had "constantly" showed her the attention she is now saying she craves she would have thought you were smothering her. The constant flowers for no reason would have been a "waste of money" when you had bills due...that doesn't mean that you should not recognize special occasions, and I am assuming you did something for b-days, holidays, etc.
Bad call if you kept interupting when she tried to talk...listening is a skill we all need to develop...so is communication...which could sum up your problems...for you and your W...you are aware of it now so fix it.
You are soon going to have to decide...divorce or forgivness...your relationship will not nor should it continue like it has...you are enabling it by not ending it. In your situation the worst you will find yourself is 50/50. This is everything bills and savings (which is a good reason to get ahead on bills)...the only difference is you are in the drivers seat with your D. Your W leaving her and the multiple affairs will go far in court to decide custody...and your D will have a say in who she lives with. If your W is willing to split 50/50 and your D live with you then you should consider filing...if she is paying many of the bills (and you can confirm she is then don't say anything to her and just avoid her) then go slow and let her do it. Save as much as possible. Do everything you can to prove you are more prepared to take care of her.
Something to think about...while the OM is gone and your W is emailing/calling...There are moments in life when all things wrong can be made right...you are at the point where you should tell your wife that you are at the end of your rope and if she can't decide to be with you and your daughter you want a divorce and prefer not to see/talk/email her at all. If she can't make the decision to move home and work on the marriage then start the divorce...possible that will change her mind.
The best thing you can do right now is just be nice to her and let her realize what she is losing...maintains your self-respect and allows an environment to develop that your D will not be uncomfortable.
I would recommend that if you are strong enough right now to handle it...tell her this weekend you would like to go and this the last chance for your marriage. She moves home Thursday night/Friday morning, you go help her empty the apartment, get friends if needed (have it done Friday AM and turn in the keys!), all three of you load up and do a weekend together(Disney, Shades of Green?) with no expectations from either of you on romance, if it happens you will know it is time. You start MC ASAP next week using the chaplin on base. If she is not willing then you have your answer...you should go see the lawyer...that was a bad call to miss the appointment if he is considered the best around the base...don't let her be the first to get the best.
You continue to do well...do not lose focus...do not stop pressing forward, no more talks with her about exposure (just do it), no more talks about anything other than fixing the marriage...what are you talking about when you talk about divorce...decide on what you want and if she is not ready to commit then end it. Forget trying to get a $1K uncontested...you will lose it with lawyer fees...what are you trying to get? In the end it is all dollars...decide what you can accept and what you cannot accept.
V/R
PS Just read your and PDT last posts prior to posting...you have an incredible amazing daughter...don't let your W behaviour ruin her...this will destroy her innocence if it hasn't already, she has already been exposed to knowledge that a 13 yr old doesn't need to know...you are her protector.
