Song, I agree completely with Kevin! And, to contiue in what he was saying about "caring"......it is like the difference in being concern about something and worrying over it. Do you know what the difference is there? You can be concerned about a matter....which means that you "care" about it and what happens. However, if you are "worrying" over it, it means your are fretting, wringing your hands, going nuts trying to figure out what to do next....what will work that you haven't tried alread, etc. Do you know what that is a sign of? That means you don't have faith b/c when we trust God we will not worry and fret about what we could do, but instead we still care yet leave it in the hands of God to handle. We don't become some unfeeling creature just b/c we gave it to the power that could really solve the problem! That just shows that we finally got smart.
Yes, I am speaking about you completely stepping aside and not doing anything toward repairing the R, getting together with your wife, or making it a family day.....nothing. If she approaches you and makes that suggestion, then of course you can do it, b/c you will know God is at work and not you. Wouldn't you think that if suddently she came around to being nice and friendly and wanted to have dinner together some time? It would be a baby step and she would be the one to suggest it.......not you, and I bet you would be so happy b/c you would know she was not pressured at all by anything you did.
I don't think God is leading you, Song. In your conditiion, you are feeling what the flesh wants and you are in a hard place to feel the Spirit. I don't mean that in a harsh, mean way. I have been there so many times! Especially when I was working so hard in the Church and a real "go-getter". I was great at thinking up new things to do in the Church, but I did not know if it was God leading me or if it was just "Sandi's" idea. So, I had to learn to "remove" myself in order to test God and see if He was in the situation or if it was just what I wanted. If it was what He wanted, then He always found a way to let it be known and work everything together without my help. Same thing about your M. I don't believe for a minute that God is leading you to talk to your W about the Retroville classes. I think "you" want it so badly and see it as your last resort that you feel as if God is leading you. You want Him to lead you to do this! Maybe I should not say that b/c it may make you angry and think that I could not possibly know what God is or isn't leading you to do. Most of that is true, but mark it down to life's experiences, if nothing else. In spite of my one-time waywardness, I have had an exceptional raising in the Chruch. I've been in the Church work and dealing with Christian people all my life. I know that it is natural--what you feel. I give you credit for trying very, very hard to do what you think is the Christian way and trying to know what God wants you do to. But our old flesh or natural nature (whatever you want to call it) gets in our way so much of the time (thanks to Adam from who we inherited it from).
I do not believe you should confront her about moving back into the home. If God is working on her heart and on everything in the stitch, then do as the scripture says and "wait upon the Lord" and see what mighty things He will do. That is how God gets the glory and honor in these problems. How can He get the glory if we are the fixers? He can't--unless He is the fixer. So, remove yourself. That means to stop doing anything or saying anything to your W about the R. Don't use the kids or any other vessel as a means to reach her and impress her about the R. Leave it to God. I know you are scared, but that is why it calls for "faith".
Think of it this way. What was the hardest thing God ever did? Not that anything was too hard for God, but "if" it was......what would that have been? It was when He sent His only son to die for our sins. To take our place on that cross. That is where we deserved to be! So, how much faith did it take for you to become a Believer in Christ? The Bible doesn't say how much faith it takes to be saved, but God did make it so simple that a child old enough to believe in Christ can be saved. So that tells me we don't have to be college grads or do some type of hard work or whatever......if He made it possible and simple enough for a child to be saved. The Bible does say that if our faith was the size of a mustard seed, we could remove mountains. The word "mountains" is talking about "problems" in our lives. Have you ever seen a mustard seed? It is so tiny. That is all it takes to believe that your mountain can be removed. Sad that we Christians don't use more of the Faith, isn't it? The Bible does say that we can ask God to give us more faith. "Help my unbelief" is what one diciple prayed, and he was talking about needing more faith. Sure it is hard to trust, but if you trusted God to do the hardest and most important thing in your life (to save your soul) can't you trust Him to do the "lesser" things. I don't mean to say your M is lesser in value to you, but trying to make a point in how we can seem to trust Him for the biggest decision in life.....where to spend eternity, but we can't trust Him to take care of our earthly problems. I would think it would be a no-sweat problem for Him after He gave up His Son.........how about you?
So, my vote is to not approach her about moving back into the house or Retroville or anything other than finances (and of course whatever comes up about the kids). If you will leave her alone and completely.....totally.....100% back away and leave her alone......I believe that you will wave your white flag of surrender of "your" will to God, and say you are now placing your trust in Him. That is where your battle has lied all along. Giving over your will to Him. He's your Father, Song. Think of Him in that context.
I read your reasons that you could approach your W about moving back home, but again I plead with you to wait on the Lord God to do His work and you do nothing. It is not giving "up".....it is giving over to a much higher power. You were hoping that the Retroville would work wonders, but I'm here to tell you that God needs no Retroville (and that's not putting it down in any sense)but He just doesn't need it to make things happen. If you will do what we have said........and do it to the letter, I believe you will see something happen. Your wife knows how hard you've been against D and trying to fix this MR, so I don't know what her first reactions may be. Don't let fear get the best of you. Keep trusting God, no matter what. Besides, you have people here praying for you, right? You probably have some folks at your Church or class praying. How about it? Are you reading to turn the reigns over to the Almighty? BTW, you can still keep praying! We have already discussed that. Pray for God's Will to be done and you can't go wrong.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
