Hello I’m new here but have been reading posts for the last couple of weeks. It’s good to know that I am not alone and that there are others with similar stories. Here’s why I am here….(please bare with my typing and rambling)
Not sure where to start as my life has been turned upside down. Six weeks ago I found my w with om from her past having an ea. She says it was not pa yet. After the initial blow I couldn’t believe what she was saying. “I want to be with him and not you”, “we were done a long time ago.” This wasn’t the woman that I had married. We have been married for 8 yrs and together for 13. We have two beautiful daughters 3 and 5. I know we have had problems for some time now and she even called an A last fall but I had no idea that this was coming. We were doing better, I had thought. So I asked her to go to a mc with me and we did the following day where she dropped the ILUBINILWU bomb and “there was no connection between us anymore” and she had been unhappy for some time now. I couldn’t believe it when the mc told her, that if she wasn’t happy then she should leave and be with him and “sounds like your using this ea as a bridge to leave this marriage.” I was speechless! I tried to tell her that I can change and all she said is that “you can’t guarantee that and I only live once.” She told me that she thought it would be better if she started new with the om and she doesn’t want to hurt him so she moved out to a family members the next day with the girls. I was a wreck. I knew I couldn’t stop her so I just begged and chased her for the next week like a fool, which just made her angry and pushed her farther away. She is a huge cake eater and she even said it at one point ” I want my cakeand want to eat it to.” I found out that she had dropped the girls off one day at mil and I went there and tried to talk to her.It was really awkward. My w showed up a while later with a big vase of flowers in the front seat from the date with om. At that point she wouldn’t even talk to me unless it was about “when are you going to take the girls.” It was hard for me to spend time with the girls though as I knew she was just dropping them off so she could be with om. I was real emotional and couldn’t give them 100% that they deserve. I couldn’t hide it no matter how hard I tried. I ended up going to the doctors and got on some AD’s. It was three weeks after I found them that she dropped the other bomb that she had signed the papers! I was devastated, and felt like I had part of me die that day. I won’t ever forget the cold look on her face as she told me right in front of the girls when she picked them up after i had them all weekend. She even told me that she doesn’t feel guilty at all and I believe it as I have yet to see her shed a tear through all of this. I didn’t say anything and just turned and walked away as she drove off. I called her later to see if she was willing to talk without the kids and she agreed. We met and I asked her if she was still seeing the om and she was silent. She then told me she will never tell me the truth ever. I cried like a baby and was, yet again, in disbelief that this could be my wife that I love so much. I had a hard time that night. Thoughts of suicide and everything. I have been going to counseling every week , talking to family, and have yet to have a day go by where I don’t shed tears. It was then when I found Stop your Divorce and started pulling away from her and stopped the I love you’s and begging. Started working out again, doing things around the house, and spending time with the girls. I was doing well for about a weekand then I had a huge slip when I had been balling and called to say goodnight to the girls and started begging, she got angry again and was yelling at me "we are done” and that I need to move on. I found this site shortly after that and bought a copy of TDR and started working on my GALing the next day. I still don't know what to do with the hearing only 2 months away....to little to late?
