Another newcomer - already finding help

[JKL2009]

Tonight, we sat done to eat and W started talking about what we were going to talk about tomorrow. As we started touching on subjects, she got a little agitated. When I saw this happening, I basically gave the statements I wrote above - that did not go over well. I said I again that I preferred we work on this marriage, but she is choosing to not do so.

She said she "has no choice" and I am the one that made the choice by my actions over the past few years. She said she could never want to be with me because she didn't trust me (from the snooping) and had not loved me for a long time so why would I want to still be with her? She said she didn't want to be around me because of the pain I had caused her. She said she is very angry with me, resents me, thinks it is crappy that I am going back on "my word" on not fighting her on the split.

We went back and forth a bit, with her a bit angry and worked up but I kept very calm and I stood my ground. I basically just repeated the things above. I said I knew I have been a bad husband in the past but I have looked hard at myself and did not like what I saw. I am ready to devote myself to our relationship and make things work, and if she choose not to allow that to happen than I would still make myself better as a father and to others. At the end, she said she was tired and didn't want to talk any more tonight. We then gave the S a bath, read books (where she tickled me again - what is up with that!) and watched a little TV before I said I wanted to go read and go to bed.

So, I think I did the right thing. Yes, in the near terms it made her a bit mad but I stood up for myself, didn't do anything or say anything harmful. At least I hope. I feel like this was a step back in terms of 180s, LRT, etc but it was needed. Thanks everyone for listening and thoughts. Tomorrow will be another day.