I might take advantage and quiz him gently when he is drunk on Saturday..I'm not feeling the romance yet.
helloooooooooooo is anybody home?
Quote:
he knows I am stupidly busy and a normal partner would offer to bring food, or takeaway or cook whilst I got on with this last week of my degree... but he hasnt offered
I rest my case. The book sounds great, the rest sounds like all the however many posts you got went in one ear and out the other. Sorry Ali, but you have got to slow this down. JMO
he knows I am stupidly busy and a normal partner would offer to bring food, or takeaway or cook whilst I got on with this last week of my degree... but he hasnt offered.
He is NOT a normal partner!!!!! You are not officially together!!!!! And if I had been dating someone less than a week I would most definitely NOT expect them to do anything of the sort!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
well I come here to whinge/vent because there is NO WAY I can with him!! Of course they didnt go in one ear, quite the opposite, its all a huge help! I am looking forward to speaking to Jody tommorow too.
Its just an observation, he's not back yet.. else he would of course get me dinner. I'm not expecting it at all, not for months even. I am fully aware that I have to continue keeping body and soul together, for a long while! I had an EA/PAish and I know how I felt after that ended, the guilt made me need space for 6 months.
When I say quiz, I mean, just might make a gentle honest remark, or ask him to explain further he says anthing like last Friday (instead of just marching him up the stairs!) but I would make it very minor/brief!
Work never ceases does it? I am sorry that this is hard for you. You want it ALL and now would be nice. I totally get that. He has to heal now. You have healed so much and have grown in the process. Remember you don't want to be a band aide. He has expressed some pretty strong feelings and now he has to sort it out for himself.
He will though. Just continue to be warm, funny and yourself and you will do great.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
ali when you had an affair ...did u leave your partner? how did it make u feel whenu would see them? Did u feel like why am I doing this? or did u feel entitled? did u think about the person u were hurting and how they must have felt? just curious since u have been there
.. you know what? It was a compulsion, an addiction, an infatuation. It tore me apart, it drove me mental and I felt like I had been split in two (and the OM too, who also lived with his longterm gf). Photos from that time show me looking awful, thin, harangued. I knew I loved my ex (now bf again!??) and I knew HE was the better man.. but he was depressed and had become quite 'matey' with me, was busy with a MSc and was stressed and has since admitted, giving me nothing.. taking me for granted. Meanwhile.. the OM, well he was described as "devastatingly attractive" (later revised to arrogant tosser, but hey, we live and learn!) he was VERY smart which I find attractive and he had a penchant for dressing up in fine suits, like a Mod, whilst my ex slobbed about and made no effort to dress up for me... But, thats the analysis. In reality, it was tremendously exciting and for a while, I wanted both, because being with OM injected passion to my R with a busy depressed man and made me feel desirable and it was intense s*xual chemistry in all honesty.
I didnt leave my partner, but when he found out (just as OM moved away and it was all over).. the guilt was so tremendous I had to get him out of the house and pretty much made him move out. I still loved him, but I acted like I didnt.. I would go a few days without even seeing him. I would push him out the door Sunday night and not let him stay, because his lip would start to wobble and I couldnt handle his neediness or the guilt..I tried to reassure him at that time, but it was suffocating and I needed my space to recalibrate.
I didnt feel entitled, I felt all along, WTF am I doing, am I insane!??? I thought about my partner and his feelings constantly. I was so intent on not hurting him, that he never suspected a thing, until it was over as I went to extrodinary lengths to hide it. I talked to OM about him all the time, said he is a wonderful guy, I love him, you'd really like him... But I couldnt stop it, it felt like a runaway train which I had no power to resist. When I didnt see OM, I missed him so much I couldnt eat. After he was gone and a few months passed, I woke up and realised what a fool I had been, what a terrible mistake I had made and how he had made a play for me and lavished attention on me at a time when I was vunerable. Initially I missed him, but once it was done and I woke up, I didnt miss him, in fact, I was soooo relieved that I didnt lose my partner that I then set about making it up to him and became EVEN MORE in love with him than I had been before.
Yep, I have been there, which is why I now forgive my ex (um, bf yet !??) as he once forgave me.
Kat.. thanks for your kinds words! BND.. no thanks, really, its ok, go help SunshineLewis instead!
