Well everyone as a matter of fact I did know that his reason for cutting our time short was in fact related to my decision to wait a year.
He called me after the meeting to apologize and explain further. He said that he gets all messed up when he gets his hopes up of being together and then it doesn't happen. He said he gets messed up and wants to protect himself so that he doesn't relapse.
He went on to explain how it hurts him that I don't want him back yet because it reminds him of all the damage he has caused and the hurt he has inflicted on me and others. He wanted me to know that his being distant and cold was just a protection and not evident of how he really feels about me.
I accepted his explanation and said I understood.
Today he was in a good mood said he was feeling good about himself (he has these days about once a week now). And because of that I guess he started to bug me about changing my decision or at least be open to the idea of changing it. Said he would like to spend more time together while he is working on his recovery. Then the really "low blow" was - after all none of my recovery would have happened if it weren't for you and the way you have stood by me or the way you have given me feedback about my behavior. (not sure if I should feel I am being manipulated or not)
My response yesterday and today is to remain even keel and pay close attention to how I feel. It would actually be easier to say it is ok to move back in Aug - which I did say a few weeks ago - and then still go through the quitting stuff when he doesn't like what I say or do. Just look back at my posts recently and you can see that it just keeps going. Altho, he did say he is changing that behavior.
Which brings up other memories of the past three years and we all know how that turned out. I am really afraid of revisiting those memories all over again. I want to acknowledge his effort but I am terrified. That is why I wanted more than a few months.
