if she could ever let the scales fall from her eyes so that she could that her pain and her issues don't begin and end with me - I may have contributed to her pain when we were together - but I did so out of my own lack of wisdom - not out of malice - while I think much of her pain was the result of someone else's malice.
My feelings on my XW exactly, my brother.
This is the reason why there can not be a reconcilation. As long as there is a finger pointing away from the real cause, there is no hope for anything lasting. The road to becomming better is long, difficult and often painful. We're on this road by force, as we didn't choose to be here.
We've done some very, very difficult work and still have much more to do. We know both the pain of the journey as well as the glory of the results. We understand how the end result justifies all the suffering and difficulty encountered along the way, but we're still wary of what we've got to do b/c we know how tough it is.
Our spouses had a choice - either conscious or unconscious - and they chose not to face their inner demons and instead blame us. Until they choose to look inward, they'll continue to be unhappy and dissatisfied w/their lives.
They may learn to ease back on the anger toward us (as my XW has recently done and may the good Lord keep it going), but ultimately until they choose to unlock the key, they'll never complete their individual puzzle.
We're all flawed as humans, but those of us here on these boards can at least say that we're tired of blaming our flaws on our lack of success and have instead learned to embrace our imperfections and learn to thrive despite them.
Keep going, my brother! Keep going. You are moving in the right direction.
