When my wife came around on Sunday afternoon to pick the children up I left a piece of paper with a lettter 'J' (I put 'J' as in Jealousy for a private laugh) and then a phone number I just made up. I left it by the childrens bags so that she could see it on the coffee table, I am sure she noticed the paper seeing what happened after.
As soon as she was gone I turned my mobile off as I had forgotten to give her some money I owed her. She rang the landline which I ignored, I then switched on my mobile very quickly and sure enough there was one voicemail and one text. The first eleven words of her message went like this.."You couldn't wait to get out of the house quick enough". She then went on about the money and a couple of other things about the children I had already discussed with her. She rang again at 8.00pm which I ignored.
Cut to this morning she rang the landline because I hadn't answered. She said something like "I assume you were going to your girlfriends house as you could not wait....". I was shocked that she could come out with a statement like that with no factual evidence to back up her statement. I never confirmed or denyed what she said, I just let her ramble on about other things.
She rang again this afternoon and asked me if I would help her buy and install a trampoline in the garden for our children. I said I would but I would let her know when I have some spare dates. This is the first time she has asked me to help her do anything that was not house related, as she knows I will not have anything to do with the house, seeing as it won't be mine much longer.
I am not making a big deal over this, far from it, I find it kind of funny about assumptions based on a piece of paper and not answering phone calls. Is it coincidence?
Last edited by markhaving probs; 05/18/0905:52 PM.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
Of course it's not a coincidence! She is starting to think that you have really moved on and she's lost you. Now she will wonder if she made the right decision.
I think you handled that very well. Neither confirm nor deny, that's the key. And well done on letting her know when you're available. Now things are starting to run on your schedule, at your convenience.
Keep up the good work!
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Thanks for the help. I would appreciate any other words of advice you could muster in my case.
goingtofixME,
Honey, I have a little softer approach. And OUCH for sure, Gucci. Yes - everything you said about the man her H is was right. BUT - there is a little line that keeps your advice from being less effective than it might be.
2 x 4's can be padded and it isn't right to tell someone what they have to do. Express your opinion all you want, but don't cut the poor woman to the quick. I know you care and that is why you write to her, but there have been so many times I've stayed away from this board because of HOW someone chose to write.
Right now the best thing goingtofixME is to work on you. Let him go. Let him float, spin, bob, weave, do whatever. You and your kids are the important ones right now. Let him face his consequences.
Could something change down the road? Maybe. But you have to be ok no matter what.
The best thing with children is to never say something you don't mean. If you do that one more time you are going to bed, said 5 times, is less effective than once or twice and then a quick trip to bed. Give him his space, don't deliver mail, don't do anything for him right now.
But you and your kids should go ahead and pursue FUN at every turn. There are so many free festivals this time of year. Go to all of them. Rent movies. Do whatever makes you feel good. Don't inform him of all you have going on. Word will either make it back to him or he will see how good you are, even if it is in passing.
He actually had it pretty sweet. And now he doesn't. He will see and you don't have to show him.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Thank you for your imput. It does feel as though I am regaining a degree of control and also my self esteem is lifted as well.
She did re-iterate yesterday about meeting with her L regarding final settlement, and trying to get my share earlier to me. If she was looking for a reaction, she did not get one, I said "yeh fine" and left it at that. It is still full steam ahead for D, but I do slightly feel better, even if it is only temporary.
Puppy,
Thank you also for your response, it is great to have so much support.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I totally appreciate the kind words. Still not sure what my course of action should be. Still dark. No contact since the emailed apology letter. And no contact from him since I freaked on him.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
I've found the best thing to do when you aren't sure what to do is nothing. I have found myself in the same situation so many times. When I try to do something then, it always blows up. Better to just breath or veg, like I'm doing tonight.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
