No Hollywood Ending......BUT...Happily Married

[brandnewday]

Good morning Naej,

Thanks for sharing, I appreciate your input.

Unfortunately things in the in the US are so different then UK.

In US there is no National Health, no Council Flats, none of the things that can really benefit a displaced LBS with children and no education.

I actually thought about moving back "home" with the children as it would have been easier to get some help and return to school there, also my family lives in London which would have been a nice support system.

I really do need to go home for a visit. I just have to be careful with money right now.I have been thinking about Brighton Beach alot lately. We used to go there for our Summer holidays every year. My Grandmother just turned 90 years old and I would like to see her before she dies.

Maybe this will be one of my goals....a trip back home.

[naej]

Hi BND, I wasn't making light of your feelings. In fact I got a similar pep talk from my C and also from my yoga teacher when she heard me say to someone "oh I,m just a mum" and then she came for a visit and kept saying who did this or who made that and the answer was usually me. Sometimes through thrift and necessity. She spent a long time boosting my self esteem. It must have worked-lol.

Yes we do have different systems in the UK. I am fortunate that I have never in my life had to avail myself of any benefits, but I have had to cut my cloth to make ends meet at times, but I have never had to worry about how to feed and clothe my children or keep a roof over their heads.
My H didn't leave til they had all more or less left home. (Thank you dear x.)
I have my own home and can pay all my bills. I don't have the lifestyle I used to have but I have enough.I was due to retire but that has had to be put on hold,probably a good thing really.

I hope you get to see your G,ma,I didn't know you hailed from these shores, or maybe I forgot. If you get over I would like to meet up. My xlaws used to live in Worthing,so I have been to Brighten a few times but not in years.Used to love the boutique ky shops up some little alleyways, can't recall the name now.

Anyway my post was really just to encourage you all to realise that all mums have great skills that they maybe don't consider and they can translate into the work place, you just have to find that opening.
Its very wet and windy here, sun keeps trying tho, I guess its much the same on Brighton Beach.

[brandnewday]

Naej,
Where in UK are you?

If I ever get over there, I would love to meet up with you and Allison and Jen and Angela and a few others.

So, you have been here on these boards for a long time also, and you still have so many kind and encouraging words to share with others.

Sometimes it is hard for me because I see certain behaviours and I want to tell the poster that they need to stop this crazy sh*t before they push their WAS even further away.

But I guess everyone learns in their own time.

I think I am better off with piecing advice now, rather then MLCBS stuff.

Just rambling.........

[naej]

Hi BND I am in the s/west.

Sometimes it is hard for me because I see certain behaviours and I want to tell the poster that they need to stop this crazy sh*t before they push their WAS even further away.

I guess you haven't seen some of the posts I have made :(altho carefully worded the response's I got sure hit some nerves. Oh well if nothing else I have developed the skin of a rhino!

I also think it depends on what we are willing to accept in a marriage,if it was crappy before and you just want your x back whatever, and that requires no work on your part then just hang around,why bother to grow or gal,
Each to his own, we are all different. Thank goodness.

[plentyhope]

(((BND)))
I will be going hiking just about every weekend. Also will be learning how to canoe! Never imagined that in my life. Went camping this past weekend and it was so nice to be out there with friends. Met a couple of new friends.

Also looking forward to doing some biking with my friends. Not a strong biker (yet) but want to be more adventurous in my biking.

God has been good in providing new friends to me these past 2.5 years, in cyberspace as well as outside cyberspace. I would never have imagined meeting such nice people.

Would you please pray for me and my H this Fri? My H wants to follow up on a D conversation. Please pray that he wakes up from his crisis. Thank you.

[brandnewday]

((((PH))))

Praying for Friday.

Just listen, validate and be still.

[brandnewday]

After writing the title of this thread I wanted to try and explain the meaning.

When they come home again you can't have any expectations.

Absolutely none.

You have to take each day as it comes.

They can not be bombarded with questions and pressure.

No real heavy relationship talks.

They will initiate things when they are ready.

These MLC'ers are carrying around a huge amount of guilt and shame and are not ready to hear how awful your life was when they were away.

They don't want to discuss the OW or how your MIL treated you while they were away.

Don't pressure them to wear their wedding ring again. He will put it on when he is ready.

Piecing is the hardest part of MLC, and this is where the rubber meets the road.

[job]

BND had described exactly what to expect, but I want to add something else...they are very, very emotionally fragile and will test you over and over again to see if you are true and want them home again. They may even say, "gee, I'm sorry, maybe it would be better if I moved out and stayed with my parents, etc." Do not buy into that. Encourage them to remain and work on things at their pace, not yours.

Expectations of what you think life should be when they return should be completely tossed out the window. Life as you knew it w/your spouse at home is going to very, very different for about 8-18 months. This is going to be the hardest thing you've ever done and your patience is going to wear thin, you will need to learn to bite your tongue and not go off on a tangent when they don't do or say what you think they should. Also, lovemaking may or may not occur for many months and their heart and soul will not be in it for many months. Again, they are very emotionally fragile and you have to understand that you can not expect them to pick up where they left off....that part of your life is gone. You are starting fresh w/a new personality.

I wish all of you who are reconciling the best of luck, for this is the hardest part of the journey.

[Laurie]

Dear PH,
Yes, I will pray for you. Thank you for letting me know.

What can I do for you? Just let me know, OK?

You have my support! Laurie

[plentyhope]

BND, I really appreciate your prayers. Thanks so much. I think he will be wanting answers from me in response to his questions.