Met up with friend who was having trouble (woman). I found out she got the bomb a week ago. I told her that I could see parts of our situation on both sides. I could see mistakes H was making - not pursuing, not treating her like #1, not letting go of anger. I could see emotions and thoughts in her that I experienced and still experience. I provided encouragement and straight talk and talked about D'bing. I'm going to get her a copy of the book.
W and I had great dinner last night. I cooked up a few simple things, opened a bottle and we sat out on the back table and talked. It was so sunny, warm, and quiet.
W is also concerned about BFF. She admitted they are both strong willed and she's just not sure how well they will get along. Above all she's concerned about money and being able to afford the house. She wants me to be able to afford the cute house downtown. The numbers work for me now but I will have to be careful. We're going to work together on it. Despite her willingness to cooperate she realizes she's made her bed and she has to sleep in it.
I mentioned a my talk with friend (woman). That I could see things more clearly now, that I wanted to help her get through this. W's responses ranged from "See, now do you understand?" to "Never thought of that" with a little male/female translation thrown in; "Sometimes when a woman says this...she means this..." Yeah, this kind of talk is kinda close but I let W know that it's OK.
We talked a little about life afterwards. I'm not into dating or anything like that and just want to be by myself for while. She said not to discount friendships. "You and I both need friends of both genders. Maybe you will be able to understand what it's like looking from the other side." She told me I was a good looking guy and that I will be impossible to replace. "There's going to be women all over you. Doesn't mean that you have to start relationships but just be aware. I think there would be nothing but crap out there for me if I had to look."
I told her sometimes I think about it. Sometimes I scan the room when I walk into a new place. But I'm still wearing my ring.
She mentioned changes in me and us. "You are much different now. Yeah, we could call off the separation, but I'm afraid we'd be right back where we started in a few months." I could have jumped on this and said "OK, then I'm not moving out" but I took it as "I'm starting to feel for you again, see the grass isn't greener on the other side, but I'm not sure yet." I said, "No, I want us to have some time apart and work on things just like we planned." Really that's how I feel. I don't want her to feel compelled to take me back. I want to fall in love again. I think she might come to realize things in the next few months but there's always a risk it might not happen. I think my next step with her if she continues to feel ok with me is marriage counseling.
Her sister called and so we both talked on speaker phone. She's having a fun time with our kids.
Her dad called and said he was in town so we met him for a movie. I drove, opened her car door, etc. (She LOVES that stuff). It was great to see her dad too. Big hugs for him too.
Got back late. Good night hugs (she initiated).
This morning we talked a little and hugged on the way out.
Other than the sleeping in separate rooms thing (I really want to.....), I've been really comfortable with her like this - like we're still married. I'll move out feeling good and with the impression that I'm the guy only a fool would leave.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
