Tougher Than the Rest

[Puppy Dog Tails]

So how can I make her feel safe, Hoozh?

[hoosiermama]

Ah, that's the question. I could never answer it for myself, I don't think I can answer it for Mrs. Puppy. Clearly there's a great level of emotional intimacy, which is a good foundation, so it isn't that she doesn't feel safe in general with you. It's about feeling safe to explore who she wants to be sexually. I suppose that would begin with feeling you'd be okay if she pulls out the whips and chains, altho I don't think it will come to that. SOrry I can't be more helpful with a solution--remains an area of mystery to me.

[kat727]

Have you thought about role playing? Shaking things up seems to have an impact on her.

kat

[Puppy Dog Tails]

yeah, we did some of that weekend before this past one. She was a "dirty girl" who came home to me after being with someone else. It was fun!!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

It's once we get outside of the bedroom that she has a hard time keeping this funspirited play going. Saturday, when we went bikini shopping, we drove past a local dog track/poker room. I suggested that it would be fun to go there sometime. She said she didn't really enjoy playing poker, so then I suggestively said "well you can just dress up, and hang on my arm, and be eye candy." She laughed at first, and sorta seemed to like it, and even added "You mean I could dress in a short sexy skirt and all that?" and I said "Mmmm, yeah," and then she thought a minute and said "well, I don't really play poker," very serious -- sort of a "final say" on the matter.

[hoosiermama]

yeah, we did some of that weekend before this past one. She was a "dirty girl" who came home to me after being with someone else. It was fun!!

Ah--then, more of that!! She does seem to like it edgier, a little naughtier--it seems to be exciting to pretend she's doing something she shouldn't be doing. That might be a bit of a clue.

[Hope4us]

yeah, we did some of that weekend before this past one. She was a "dirty girl" who came home to me after being with someone else. It was fun!!

Ok, I'm as liberal as the next guy and in the past, this would have been fun, but considering what many of us have gone through on here, how the heck did you do that without a gun to your head?

I'm just not sure I could have done that one......

[Puppy Dog Tails]

yeah, we did some of that weekend before this past one. She was a "dirty girl" who came home to me after being with someone else. It was fun!!

Ok, I'm as liberal as the next guy and in the past, this would have been fun, but considering what many of us have gone through on here, how the heck did you do that without a gun to your head?

I'm just not sure I could have done that one......

PROOF that I AM being "open-minded," "flexible" and "willing to try new things" and not hold her A over her head, don'tchathink???!!!!!!!!

[oldtimer]

"The likelihood has to offset the likely pain of even further rejection, as my wound is still open (or at least not fully healed) from her affair."

This suggests that you are still being withholding, perhaps. Note that I said IF...

In any case, rather than looking for what is wrong in what I write, why not look for what is right with as much effort?

[Hope4us]

You're the man Pup. I just know it will be a long time, if ever that I'm able to do something like that kind of role play. Other kinds, sure, but that specific one, uh...no.

I'm learning a lot on this thread, but things like you're going through have never been a problem for my W and I. Guess that's why you really have to look at each sitch individually to see what the causes were/are.