If it were me, considering all that's happened, I would say something like "I would only want to do that as an early step of a planned reconciliation, and I don't think either one of us are there yet. Besides, I had other plans this weekend." (even if you didn't).
Not only is there the emotional hit to you, which you mentioned, but I also think she's just trying to "normalize" her adulterous lifestyle, and I don't think you should enable that. Until she recants the horrible things she told you this past week, I don't see how you can all just play "One Happy Family" together.
[quote]Not only is there the emotional hit to you, which you mentioned, but I also think she's just trying to "normalize" her adulterous lifestyle, and I don't think you should enable that. Until she recants the horrible things she told you this past week, /quote]
I know it will be an emotional hit to me. I didn't think about normalizing her adulterous lifestyle. She just emailed me and told me the following:
I was really hurt that D never called me yesterday. I asked her to call me when she woke up and she didn't. I asked her to call me when you all got back from the grocery store and she didn't. I don't understand. I thought she might miss me by now but I'm getting the feeling she's not. Also, I figured if we go out of town together we'll both get her this weekend.
Why is she feeling bad? She chose this. What the freak am I missing? Does a piano need to land on her head for her to get it? She's wrecking the family! All she has to do is wake up and come home--Mother #$@%$#!!!!
Another thing to consider is that if she's with us she's not w/ OM.
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I don't see how you can all just play "One Happy Family" together
You're right, dammit, when is this going to end?
Last edited by AFWAW; 05/18/0906:54 PM.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
John, Please remember that nothing has changed since she moved out...she has left, she is having an affair, she continues to have an affair...do not make this easy on her...her OM is TDY?
He took leave in conjuction with the TDY to see his wife probably so your W will be on her own...Puppy is correct in that she is trying to normalize her new lifestyle and you and D can take family trips when OM is not avaliable...now she is the Disney Mom and all is good in her mind for you and D.
Did you go see the lawyer? Continue to investigate and collect evidence...you need to figure out who these OM are and expose...do not worry about her getting mad. Your marriage is not going to survive the affair to get to the stage where you divorce because of exposure (she will not D because of exposure, if so she would have already filed, this is an attempt to string you along until the OM commits, and all this talk about the Army is to keep you reeling)...if you expose and she gets in trouble it is her fault...in the long run if you think your marriage is not worth the job then do nothing.
Don't you have family close enough to go see this weekend with just you and your daughter?
You should consider some type of formal plan for custody...your W should not be able to call on a whim to come p/u youd D, she needs structure in her life at her age...make sure your W knows you will not put up with her(D) being exposed to the lifestyle your W is living now to include clothes and personal items in the apartment for your D to see. And no more lies about SS visiting etc...
Puppy is correct in that if she want agree to NC, and MC, with this weekend the beginning of R then this weekend will just make your marriage worse...it is not going to be some romance filled weekend for you. It is going to be a disaster for both and will further justify in her mind that the A was correct...
I am praying that this works for you but am afraid the longer you do nothing the harder this will be for you. Use your tools...exposure, custody, support, lawyer, church, get a live for yourself separate from W, activities for D, etc./\
Try not to get caught up in the false hope for this weekend. Nothing good will come from it right now...this is a bone from her while OM is TDY and not an attempt to at least try to put this marriage back together.
I was really hurt that D never called me yesterday. I asked her to call me when she woke up and she didn't. I asked her to call me when you all got back from the grocery store and she didn't. I don't understand. I thought she might miss me by now but I'm getting the feeling she's not. Also, I figured if we go out of town together we'll both get her this weekend.
A: "I understand how that must really hurt. I just think that considering the state of the marriage right now, it's probably not such a great idea. Besides, I had plans this weekend."
John, I was posting at the same time as you...you know what to do. You have to tell yourself this M is over to have a chance to save it before you end with jsut hate for her...limit any conversations to email and then only about your D and bills.
She should feel the loss of her D...she is the one that did this...do not forget you are not the bad buy and that crap about you not being able to find a job when you retire is crap. Even if you do not make SMSgt you have years to prepare yourself for retirement before your HYT...do not let her make you sad and question your abilities...sounds like you have done very well so far.
He took leave in conjuction with the TDY to see his wife probably so your W will be on her own
You could be correct on this. I was wondering about that myself.
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Did you go see the lawyer?
I had to cancel for work and am waiting to see if she is in fact going to give me everything I want uncontested. So, holding off on that for now.
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Continue to investigate and collect evidence...you need to figure out who these OM are and expose
My friend is working on a name and type of vehicle so I can verify him visiting the wife. Once I have that info, I intend to call his wife.
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she will not D because of exposure, if so she would have already filed, this is an attempt to string you along until the OM commits, and all this talk about the Army is to keep you reeling)...
You could be correct on this--my mind is cloudy and this is an interesting perspective that I hadn't thought of.
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You should consider some type of formal plan for custody...your W should not be able to call on a whim to come p/u youd D, she needs structure in her life at her age
I have told the wife we need to sit down and hammer out a plan but she keeps on avoiding the topic. The W has been hit or miss on calling and wanting to p/u D. I have not stood for it. The beach thing this weekend was a request from her a few days ago. It wasn't unpleasant but it did tax my heart strings.
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it is not going to be some romance filled weekend for you. It is going to be a disaster for both and will further justify in her mind that the A was correct...
God, I hope you're wrong but I have a feeling you could be correct on this.
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I am praying that this works for you but am afraid the longer you do nothing the harder this will be for you.
Yep, I tried to take steps to get her to sit down and do the paperwork but it's not what she wants apparently at this time. Only a matter of time until I take the initiative. I'm still working on getting a name and type of vehicle so I can actually have some kind of hard evidence to expose.
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Try not to get caught up in the false hope for this weekend. Nothing good will come from it right now...this is a bone from her while OM is TDY and not an attempt to at least try to put this marriage back together.
\ I'm not trying to build up hope--believe me, but it still does hurt to spend time with her knowing that nothing will come of it. According to her there never was OM--yeah, right--I'm sure this is her cover story so she won't get exposed.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
