EXACTLY! Which is why I mentioned that I've read other viewpoints on the matter. It makes your head spin, doesn't it?
But... I think the boundary would be different if it was set from the get-go of the R. Setting the boundary AFTER trust was broken implies that it is a punishment, and a statement that you don't trust her. (I'm not saying she deserves your trust here, I'm just examining this boundary.) Standing up and holding firm to your boundaries or your N.U.T.s is indeed important in life, because it is standing up for yourself and staying true to yourself. If you just met your W and none of this had happened earlier, you wouldn't have this requirement because of your "trust" N.U.T.
I'm not suggesting you cave here, or change what you've established. It is a very, very tough call. Perhaps let it ride and the answer will become clear through time and healing.
I'm reading that you just want her to choose you without having to mark out your requirements. As do I, as do we all!
