First Piecing Thread

[pearlharbr]

Hi Hope

I'm new to Piecing but have been following your sitch for a while. It has given me a glimpse into what I'm starting. I'm certainly not looking forward to getting back onto the roller coaster that you're on right now but I suppose it can't be helped.

I think you're handling the sitch with a lot of patience, I hope I can do the same.

[whatdidido]

Hope..you got some fb mail.

[kat727]

Just wondering how this weekend went. I hope it was a good one.

kat

[fightingirish]

hope got called out for work last week.

[Hope4us]

Ok, guess it's time for an update.

A couple weeks ago our company had an emergency in Kentucky that I got called to. Kind of had to leave on short notice without any real idea when I'd be back. Ended up working 96 hours in 6 days. The first couple days I was gone, when I'd call W, she was acting like she didn't even want to talk, so I pretty much quit trying. I was so busy with work that I didn't really have to try to not call her because I didn't have the time.

On about the 3rd day, I start getting the TM's from her. That also happened to be the stretch where I worked 33 out of 36 hours. When I finally got back to the hotel that night I called her and she didn't answer. I left a message and said if you can call back in the next 10 minutes I'll still be awake but if not, don't call cause I'm exhausted. She called back fairly quickly and was a totally different person. We talked for probably 45 minutes. I kept trying to end the call, not because I wasn't enjoying it, but because I was half falling asleep while talking, but she kept bringing up more things to talk about etc.

The rest of the time I was gone, she was TM'ing me a lot and when I'd call there would be long conversations.

I got home last Wed evening and since I've been home she's been very engaged. We went out to dinner Thurs, Fri and Sat nights. Had a blast each time. Sat she wanted to go shopping and S17 and I were going to go out and buy him a new driver since he broke his and W suggested that we just drop her off and pick her up when we were done. So we did. She TM'd me saying she was done before S17 and I were so I replied that we weren't done and I'd TM her when we were (keep her waiting huh?).

Finally picked her up, went home and then just W and I out to dinner.

Sunday we worked in the yard all day.

Yesterday and today have been pretty normal.

We leave for Disney Saturday. W has been pretty excited about that. Me too for that matter.

One intersting thing from my trip though. At one point I was talking with a couple of guys who work for us in Indiana. Been friends with them for years. One of them asked how W was. I just said she's ok, but not wanting to give too much info out, said she's kind of in a MLC. The other guy started questioning me about W. I just told him that after we relocated she lost a lot of weight, started running around with EGF, etc.

Later that day he and I were alone and he said he wanted to talk to me about W. He then related how he had gone through the same thing, was depressed for probably 2 years, it was triggered by a number of things all happening to him in a short time frame and how it sounded like my W was going through the same things.

A lot of what he said hit home for me. One thing I've never shared here is that W's grandmother passed away a few years before we moved. W and grandma were VERY close. And looking back, I can see how it affected her and how she started showing signs of depression then. Then we relocated, STRESS. W mentapausal, HORMONES. OM = Player = A waiting to happen.

He then said it sounded like everything I was doing was the only way to go. He told me he never stepped outside his marriage, but he considered it because he was looking for ANYTHING to make himself feel GOOD. He said it sounds like your W is in the same place.

He also said when you're going through it, you become the most selfish person there is. He said you KNOW what you're putting your loved ones through, but all you can think is "what about me"?

Then one day, you figure it out. And then you have to deal with what you've done to your spouse and kids. He told me that he loves his wife more than he ever has, but if I'd have asked him 6 months ago, he'd have said, yes I love my wife, but what about me? And now he has a really hard time dealing with what he's done.

I told him that I see my W in that place right now. She's figured or is figuring this out, but she is now dealing with what she's done.

He ended by saying you have two options. One, cut and run now. Avoid all the heavy lifting you're doing and will have to continue to do for a while longer. Or two, contine to do that heavy lifting and when she figures it out, I'll have a W who will know that I stood by her and loves her like no one ever can/will and our marriage will be the best it can be.

So that's what is going on. His talk has given me new insight, even though he really didn't say anything that I haven't read her and other places before. Just helped hearing it first had from a friend.

That's not to say I will keep this up forever. Even he admitted that some people never figure it out. But with the way W has been the last few months, I feel like she's getting there, but just has those demons she's dealing with that only time and herself can figure out.

[kat727]

i am so glad that you had someone that could give you another perspective. I am also glad that things are going well on the home front. Back to work but I just wanted to stop and give you high five!

hugs, kat

[whatdidido]

You know I agree with your friend. Hope you have fun in Disneyland again!

[Hope4us]

Hi everyone. Got back from Fla last Friday evening but have been too busy to post before now.

I'm not going to go into a play by play detail of the whole trip, but on a scale of 1-10, I'd give it probably a 7. But there's still something holding her back.

We had a great time. Talked, talked, talked. Had one of the most erotic encounters of my life. Probably should have been kicked out of the resort pool as I'm sure some of the other 20+ people in the pool had a clue what was going on, but lets just say it was HOT, HOT, HOT. Had to run back to our room to take care of my end of the encounter as W had her end completed in the pool . Of course, we had to wait 10 minutes until I could get out of the pool without causing a scene .

We ML one other time while we were there. Another pretty darn hot time if I do say so myself.

Lots of hand holding, plenty of body contact, talk of the future, etc. A number of times, she initiated the hand holding. We saw an elderly couple walking around one day and W said "that's going to be us some day". I made a comment to W about the pearl ring we got her last time we were to Disney and how I'd never seen her wear it and she commented that she's tried her "rings" on a few times, but it just looks weird to her.

All sounds good right? It was, but there's still something holding her back. And there's still her being secretive and out right lying to me about phone calls she gets, etc. And that's a big sticking point for me.

Case in point, Friday evening I was driving my mom home from watching S17 for us and W was TM'ing me like crazy. In the 6 hour round trip I'll bet we traded 150 TM's. But at one point I had sent her a TM and she didn't respond for about 15 minutes. So I sent another one and she said she was in the kitchen getting something to drink. So today I checked the cell website and she had received a call from her old boss at that exact time. Lasted 11 minutes. One other time during the trip he called her and she didn't answer as neither of us heard the phone ring. A little later she looked at her phone and I saw that she had a missed call from him and she didn't say a word to me about it. That was after the day before he called and left her a message that she told me about because she almost had to and gave me what sounded like a b.s. story about his message.

Not sure what to think about that. One one hand, I can appreciate her trying to protect my feelings as she claims they're "just friends" (which I believe), but on the other hand she just doesn't realize how much it hurts me for this to be going on. The question is, what to do about it? Confront and risk losing the progress we seem to be making because I "invaded her privacy" or let it go since we are making progress and trust that she'll be more open with me as we do make that progress.

There's more, but that's the highlights. I'll post more when I have time.

Hope.

[Hope4us]

Crap, I forgot probably the most important thing that happend that makes you go WTF?

While we were involved in said pool, she had just given me a hot, passionate kiss and I looked her dead in the eyes and said "I love you" and she got this great big grin on her face and said.......nothing.....

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Crap, I forgot probably the most important thing that happend that makes you go WTF?

While we were involved in said pool, she had just given me a hot, passionate kiss and I looked her dead in the eyes and said "I love you" and she got this great big grin on her face and said.......nothing.....

Nice. I'll be anxious to see how she is AT HOME, because we both know you can't afford 52 one-week vacations per year for the rest of your life.

I'm glad you had fun in the pool. It sounds like we're both pretty damned good at getting just enough to get by, huh??

Puppy