I'm willing to do the work, but in the last few years I've begun to question even the whole underlying premise of "One person can affect change in another by changing themselves." It's the basic underlying assumption of MWD's "Sex-Starved Marriage," and of most self-help and marital help advice and books, and yet I just don't see the success stories. The only successes I see -- and even then they're DAMNED hard to pull off -- are when BOTH partners are equally committed to change, and to do the hard work necessary.
I don't necessarily disagree. Eventually the other spouse has to pick up the slack or the M is dead walking.
That being said - my point is that one person can affect change in themselves. You can't worry about what she chooses to do - because it is ultimately her choice as to whether or not she responds to your changes.
If you have a continuing dance that always goes a certain way - you can change your part in the dance, and by nature this will change the dance itself. Whether that has the end result you want is not something you have any control over.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
