So lonely

[The Wifey]

Scared,

Listen to those feelings. It hurts - you cry. It makes you angry - you punch a pillow. You need a hug - hug your kids. Never, ever deny your feelings. But don't share them with her right now. She can't hear you no matter how you phrase it.

I recommend the book, The Richest Man Who Ever Lived. It is life-changing in some respects, for getting you to focus on you.

As for the ugly things she has said - you are both in an emotional situation. She chose to handle her feelings by saying those things. Returning them in kind will only bring a poison into your life.

Keep your words respectful, non-confrontational, and like you are dealing with a business partner. Always consider her requests for money by weighing them. Are they appropriate or reasonable? There is a difference between want & need.

And if her requests are made in an ugly way, tell her you are willing to discuss them when she can do so in a calm, reasonable way. If she says mean things or calls you names, warn her once that you will need to let her go and you will talk to her when she calms down. After one warning say I have to let you go now, bye.

Be firm, but polite. I will not fight with you. When you can discuss this with me calmly then we will talk. I had to say this a few times. The next time it happened he knew I meant what I said. One warning and he calmed down. Another time he had to admit he couldn't be calm about the thing right then and agreed to call later.

xalelle, I absolutely loved you saying that the only way through is through. That is so right. Once you accept that this is true then you can grit your teeth and get to it.