"I think we're BOTH (me, and you/OT) are making assumptions. Who's more likely to be correct, the man who's lived with her for 24 years, or those that only know her by what I write here?"
Well, if my XH had asked: "Who's more likely to be correct, the man who's lived with her for 17 years, or those that don't know her at all, but are women who are similarly situated in age whose H's or XH's would call them LD but who have in some way demonstrated an interest in sex inconsistent with how they act with me?" my resounding answer would have been: "The strangers -- you have no clue, you are overconfident and your ego is tied to your view, which is indeed part of what silences me."
"I have told her that I am willing to try and continue to change, grow and meet her needs, so long as she's making a reasonable effort to meet mine. It's when she doesn't that I pull away, she knows this, and yet she does it anyway -- EVERY . . . SINGLE . . . TIME."
Right, and what would explain this? Precisely what I have been describing!!!! She manages to step away from the wife/mother role when divorce/sep is immanent. Sex improves. The threat of divorce/sep diminishes. Sex gets worse because she goes back into the wife/mother role in which she doesn't know how to be a sexual being. Thus, the sexual performance on her end returns to an inauthentic, unrewarding, tedious, soul draining activity. Thus, she pulls away.
" I guess I'm just not seeing enough new data to suggest that more and/or different engagement by me would be met with anything other than the same-ol' same-ol'."
(1) Criminy, WTH do you want -- multiple women are agreeing with me, no one is saying I'm crazy. It explains a lot. It is a hypothesis worth exploring.
(2) You can be sure that your same-ol' same-ol' mind set will reap you exactly that -- same-ol' same-ol'.
(3) If you are still being withholding and punishing because of the A, I don't see much chance for this M. I know it still hurts, but if you aren't able to take risks, then this is going to stall.
