Thank you Cinco....still didn't try on the dress again, yet! Ugh! Must do that today...
I had opened up my copy of Passionate Marriage again this weekend, and found a place in the book that I really needed to re-read.
Background - - lately our love making has been taking wonderful turns into new territory, specifically, I have suddenly been apparently "channeling" how to be an even better lover, and have been acting so sexual and enthusiastic during sex that my man has literally been asking me things like "are you watching instructional porn or reading sex tip books or what? How are you doing these things that you've never done before?" Of course he is asking because he is the happy recipient, but I think he really did think maybe I was looking at instructional sources.
I just tell him "no honey, I don't know what is happening to me...its like I just let go of everything and go with my feelings and somehow that turns out to be better than usual...I can't explain it. I just know that I feel closer and more intimate with you, and its helping me behave more sexually free!"
I really have NOT been reading or watching instructional stuff, by the way. I have just done my usual general relationship and spiritual reading, and trying to grow and understand in intimacy, but nothing that is specifically about sex tips. I just love and trust him more and more each day and that is somehow changing me.
So when I opened up the PM book I found a section that helped me describe to him what is happening, and the other bullet points in this section made me nod my head in agreement that ALL of these are really becoming true in our relationship.
It comes from Chapter 9, Where's Your Head During Sex?, and on my copy of the book the relevant bullet points are on page 256 under the sub-chapter Sexual Potential: Putting It All Together.
This is a two and a half page bit about how good sex can really be when you've climbed up all the mountains described in the first half of the book and achieved a high level of intimacy. The bullet points are these:
*Arousal and orgasm come effortlessly. Orgasm almost seems secondary because its no longer your focus of attention.
*You become acutely aware of every sensation in your body - not just in your genitals.
*Your sexual encounter becomes the only possible reality. The world ceases to exist beyond the edge of the bed (or whatever defines your sexual space). There is only you and your partner. Time stops.
*Bonding is solid and profound. There is a sense of commitment conveyed through action rather than pledges. You may find yourself moved to tears by the happiness and love you thought yourself incapable of feeling.
* (this is the one I was talking about above...) You do things you've never done before as if they were second nature to you. You see universal aspects of your partner and yourself you've never seen before. Jungian therapists would say you've tapped into the collective unconscious.
*When orgasm occures, its explosive and illuminating. New and lasting insights emerge, providing leaps in personal development. It goes way beyond "I'm coming!" and is more an estatic "I've got it! I AM!"
*Orgasm doesn't define the end of your encounter because your desire is driven by fullness rather than deprivation. As the sexual reality fades, it leaves behind a sense of connection and personal renewal.
He was very "wow" when I read this to him, and he agreed with each bullet point. But I did also tell him that he has ALWAYS known that sex can be this good, and he has always described to me in other ways exactly those bullet points above. He has himself always been striding to attain the type of sex described above and he is naturally very close to it all the time anyway, because he is naturally good at intimacy and has very few fears in that area. He has always described to me how extremely fulfilling sex can offer you personal development...something which I did not understand at first. Now I'm really getting it.
But the bullet point about "you do things you've never done before as if they are second nature to you" was the one I had to read to him a couple of times, because it was so awesome to really read someone describing just how I feel. It really is like channeling someone or something else...some better, more sexual, more intimate person who is inside of me...somehow this person knows better than I do what to do, even without exterior knowledge of what to do.
I just thought I'd share this with you all, as I am hopeful that you are all on your own journey toward this type of feeling and sex and intimacy....
It just keeps getting better all the time....
The work involved to get here was worth it, every moment of it, all the tears, all the fear and challenges, all the misguided attempts before I really got past my actual initmacy issues...this has been a 15 year journey for me and I can finally see the summitt...wow.
