Just my thoughts, but I feel that Lan has worked very hard on this R without much help for his W. Sadly, she still has the mind of a WAW. When she feels that her H is invading her privacy.....that is a dead give-away. Also, the fact she feels she should have male friends is not good. I know I'm from the old school and many people see no harm in it, but when it comes to having friends of the opposite sex that does not include your spouse and it is kept secret......that is wrong and asking for serious problems. Any S that would put up with that is nuts!
T feel that Lan's patient has been tried over and over and he has reached that place that he is not bluffing when he tells W that she either stops the EA or he is out of there. It seems when he gets tough and uses this no-nonsense approach with her, she knows she better get her act together or else. It seems to draw her out of her inappropriate actions for a while, but then she is addicted to the attentions of other men! As long as she is working in an environment where it is so easy to have an EA with the opposite sex, I think it will be a threat until she can get to a place that she no longer "craves" that inapporpriate attention from men or will work hard to have enough discipline to control not act on her desires. Frankly, I don't know if she is going to want to work on the M as much as she craves to have attention from other men. I am concerned that there will always be another man in the wings. I was hoping that if the was a MLC thing, she would pull out of it and things would start getting better. But, she keeps slidding back into that old pattern.
She apparently still loves Lan and "wants" him or she would choose to walk away. This falling asleep and and not having sex.........I don't know if that is something she can avoid or if it is games. I have tried to give her the benifit of doubt, but I don't know.....
She is telling Lan what she "needs" for him to do for her, but what is she doing for him? I bet if she discovered that he was interested or "looking" at another woman--we would see a complete turn around in this story! If bet she would be as jealous as anyone ever thought about. She wants Lan, but she want the amiration of other men and the "fantasy" with them.
I am just putting thoughts on paper b/c I think it certainly would take a professional to figure this all out. If Lan just knew if this was a MLC that she would eventually pull out of or if it is a "hopeless" case of her being in a downward spiral of one man after the other.....then he could make a decision about what to do and if that was to move on and make a life for himself, then he could stop knocking his brains out trying to make this all work.
Sorry if I pulled you down, sweetie, b/c you know that is not my intentions. I have tried to encourage you for a long time now, but my patient with your W is about to run out and all I can say is that you are quite the man to endure what you have! I just hope she will grow up and start being the wife you deserve!
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
