H has been unhappy in our marriage for months. H would not see a counselor so I used the DB'ing techniques and about a month ago H indicated that whatever had been changing in me was positive and he really wanted our marriage to work, but that still did not involve meeting with a counselor/therapist. Even though H had said he wanted the marriage to work I could feel him drifting away from me for about the past two weeks and than this weekend happened. First thing in the a.m. something came up and I simply asked him if he was happy or miserable in our life and he indicated he was unhappy and thought we should divorce. H told me he had made up his mind a couple of weeks ago and there was no turning back - the only difficulty was he did not know if he had the stones to file for divorce. I asked if that meant there was a chance for us to still work things out and he said "NO"!
After the news I completely lost it! I had just recently become comfortable with the idea H was not going to leave and than he dropped the "bomb". I was so unprepared that I threw up, cried all day and at work this morning I am just shaking. He said it will take a couple of months of status quo to get everything worked out because he is going to move to Canada to live with his friends. By the way, he is going to move to Canada and leave his whole life, family, friends, me in Minnesota and simply go start a whole new life.
I also begged him to stay yesterday and we both started crying and had sex last night. It did not feel great but I needed to be close to him. He said he needs a few days to make up his mind about how to split (separate, divorce); in the meantime, I am stuck with H telling me he wants our marriage over and won't change his mind. But he is here and each and every time I look at him it is like getting kicked in the stomach and we work/live together so that feeling lasts all day long...
What should I do, let H go; or, is there anything left to do that doesn't appear to be begging? I want the next step to be one that is positive and does no damage. I guess I've been trying to make him feel guilty for wanting to leave me and that does not make me proud. I am at a complete loss for what to do, help!
This group helps so many and I know I am not the only one, but right now it feels like it and I am desperate for advice.
Thank you, Michele
Me 42 H 41 No kids Marriage problems 7/08 Wanted to leave 11/08 Reconciled shakily 4/09 Bomb dropped 5/09
