Tomorrow is a new day! Thank God I have the day off! Tomorrow night is our son's high school graduation. Hope he's in a better mood tomorrow. We have to be around all our families.
Try to remind yourself that his bad moods are actually GOOD when it comes to possible affairs, EAs or even inappropriate contact.
BAD = GOOD and
GOOD = BAD.
When they are in a bad mood, they are most likely going thru withdrawal from their OW fix. I'd be more concerned if he was in a UP, even giddy mood after the weekend, to be honest with you.
As Puppy said, it's "normal" for those who have had EA to go through withdrawal from the OW when no longer in regular contact. Even if she just needed help/advice, your H may have felt good when they talked and be missing that now. Or he may have just been in a bad mood for whatever reason. I know it's hard when you don't have trust and rebuilding trust takes time. The key is to try not to indicate to your H when you are suspicious because that will just push him away. Keep your eyes wide open, but act "as if" you are not analyzing his every move, mood and motive. Just keep doing DB, you're doing well. Be careful moving forward to really deal with the issues and break the cycle so you guys can have a new M that will be fulfilling for both of you. Hang in there!
Me 39 H 38 T22/M15 S11 S7 EA Confirmed 3/11/09 Sep Weekdays Only 4/09
Thanks. As you can see patience is not a virtue for me. :0)
Here's my dilemna. He always seems to pull away after we've been intimate which is due to his fear that I'll think everything is OK and we'll go back to status quo.
Should I avoid being intimate with him or just recognize that it's going to take him awhile to work through that issue? I have to tell you it's very hard on me.
That's an intensely personal question and decision, M, and I've seen good arguments both ways. I think it's something you have to decide for yourself. Do you feel good about yourself after you've ML with him? If you can, and just see it as fun and a release for YOU, rather than placating him, I'd say that it can be healthy. JUST PLEASE USE PROTECTION, considering the subject at hand.
As Puppy said, arguments go both ways and make sense. So far, my H is only EA and not PA so I've decided to continue ML when it feels right for me. During much of our M, H felt I wasn't passionate enough in ML, so I feel it's important not to let our sex life die right now. I did set a boundary post-bomb that if he ever got to PA, not to come back to my bed. Now, many would argue that he would just lie about it. But since we've only ever been with each other, I believe that he cares enough about me not to put me at that risk. I'm 99% confident that if it goes full PA he will stop being intimate with me. In the past week, I have stopped initiating ML because it just didn't feel right. I guess I didn't want to initiate and risk rejection. Bascially, I'm doing whatever feels ok to me. But it's a personal decision you'll have to make.
Me 39 H 38 T22/M15 S11 S7 EA Confirmed 3/11/09 Sep Weekdays Only 4/09
Nothing physical - I think more EA and he'd probably deny that it's an EA. He'd say it was just him getting caught in the middle of our friends - trying to be the good supportive friend. I'm being very careful because he lied that he was talking to her and then he lied on Mother's Day night (when she drank 2 bottles of wine and was suicidal etc) about where he was going.
I couldn't get into our new counselor until next Wednesday. I feel better once our counseling sessions get started. Just sticking to the DBing techniques at this point.
I'm going to play it by ear about ML at this point. We'll see if he initiates anything again. I know his pattern is to freak out after we've ML so I'll just brace myself for it and continue on. However, if the pattern continues for too long then I'll need to refrain I think just to keep my sanity.
My son graduated tonight and I didn't let him or my difficult mother ruin it for me! Tomorrow is a new day!
Dug into the phone records more today. Not sure why I felt the need to torture myself. I had to call and talk to my husband more about the situation. Told him it was still really bothering me.
He said he was getting in too deep with our friend. That they both were in a lot of pain and were able to talk to each other about what was going on in their lives. He said that's why he had to cut it off. I won't go into all the details but he did acknowledge my right to be upset and he said he understood why I was still questioning things. He apologized.
He said we need to start talking to each other vs. friends. He still has a lot of anger and hurt to work through as do I. We agreed just to keep things light and to have a fun time at the lake this weekend.
I told him just because we connect (not just physically)but emotionally it doesn't mean that we're getting apathetic and things will go back the way they were. It will take hard work and counseling on our part. At the same time, I want to feel like we are working on things and starting to make progress no matter how small it is.
CONGRATS on launching one off successfully, M!! 