Game Over?

[dday101798]

What a horrible weekend. Spent either crying my butt off or sleeping. Knowing that we are now so close to the end has just started some sort of internal breakdown I don't understand. Can't eat again and anything just triggers a shutdown.

She had called Friday night and again yesterday, but didn't leave a message.

Saturday out the clear blue, I was fine, making burgers and preparing to do yard work and then just broke down thinking of how it used to be and won't be anymore, that I could be doing the yard work while S10 makes the burgers, STBX could be making pasta salad for ths side with S12. But it's all gone now. I just gave everyone their burgers, shut the grill down, spent a couple of hours balling and went to sleep for 12 hours.

Yesterday, my cousin and her sons went to the Cubs game for her oldests birthday today. Lack of food caught up and I drove like a complete moron the whole way home. Finally did the yard work, somewhat and then spent another few hours back in mass depression mode, this time qnating to know what really happened to our daughter. I'm sure she was aborted.

In process, I lost a friend who grew tired of my pitty parties and was told I need help ASAP. I think they're right. Just when I thought I was getting through all this and letting go, it's consuming me and breaking me down again, but worse than in the beginning. Is this normal?