So she likes the chase, she loves the attention. Now you have two keys to your puzzle.
(Third key) So what was different with OM? Was the s*x different with him? Or did she only wanted to be chased by him as well?
We've talked about this. She says it was that he paid her attention, at a time in her life when I wasn't and that she felt she really needed it. I doubt it was the sex -- she seemed to be doling that out to him in just sufficient quantity to keep him interested in her (remember, I had voice recordings and computer keylogger -- I saw a LOT of data to back up my theories. Doesn't make them RIGHT necessarily, just that they're more than just my guesses or hunches).
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Fourth key, what else turns her on? You mentioned the 'Cougar' show. Well, what about it exactly that turns her on? Is it because the women in the show are strong, confident, sexy? Does she want to be like them, to feel like them? If so, how can you act so that she feels strong, confident and sexy? Does she fantasize about being the pursuer?
Occasionally. She'd rather be the Pursued. She does love the validation that comes from seeing an older, sexy woman being portrayed in the media in a positive light -- it's a sure-fire conversation starter for us every time.
Everyone's advice points toward a woman approaching midlife who is wanting to explore her sexuality. I see two problems with this: one, we're focusing on the sexual aspect, and I think it's merely a by-product here, and two, I don't see (and never have) much exploration going on with her. No introspection -- reading, etc. -- no sincere facing of her issues.
I no longer have a keylogger on her computer, but I do check her browsing history from time to time. If what you are all saying were true, you would expect to see things Googled like "sex tips for women in 40s" or "how to let him know you want to be seduced" or "sexual positions" or even "reevaluating midlife" or some such. What do I see?
You're all giving her way too much credit for "depth." That's not a knock -- on you OR her -- just an observation, as I'd rather keep the advice focused on things I can do that better reflect both of our current realities.
