Stress, WAW and life in general III

[AJM]

UPDATE:
My mindset is moving around pretty quickly. I suspect this is grief I'm feeling because I oscillate between anger, sadness, and happiness and sometimes all at once.

I'm asking myself the question: if she did want to come back, would I want her? Why do I ask myself that question? Because I do not know that I want to spend my life with somebody that does what she has done to me.

So why do I stay? Because I don't know that what she's done was done by her or to her. What I mean by that is that the crisis of last year - was it that debilitating that she had no choice? If so, then in sickness and in health keeps me staying at this point. I am a man that sticks to my commitments come hell or high water

Don't get me wrong - I do love her. I just am questioning if I am ready to move on without her and just remember her for the good times instead of now. I am not sure I'm in love with her any longer. In fact, I sometimes really look for reasons to not have to see her.

Other times, I'd love to hear from her. I suspect that's what it's like when they're gone hence the thoughts that it may be grieving and healing.

Either way, I'm tired of putting up the BS. I'm putting up with less and less of it regardless. She seems surprised by that, but it is what it is.

More later.

AJ