Hey Dawn..You are so right, its way harder to hold myself together and be this new person with the 180s now that I am actually in his company more. And thats a brilliant idea!! I will reread the books. Also, I just booked my last session with Jody.. they were very excited there to hear I was at this juncture with him.
I am excited... but it hasnt really burst through yet.. I am SOOO busy at college and stressed I actually feel sick. I have NO time to devote to him (but I will have to make time)in this next 2 weeks, not until 1 June.. and I was concerned that he is still somewhat weighing things up (as he hasnt SAID anything yet and he didnt go to snog me, Saturday or Sunday).. and we are in a Mercury Retrograde now.. which ends...31st May!!! So the timing is so wierd. Maybe he will talk to me when my course is finished, on or after 31st.
I just hope I can hold him off for 2 weeks and hold his interest and not blow it.. I am sure he is thikning right now.. ok, I got her back, I got my hands on her.. I missed her like mad and now shes here.. is this REALLY want I wanted then? Or am I done.
I can see it in his eyes and body language, he's not definite yet.
Thanks Andabelle... actually, I am not coping well with it.. I am soooo tired, exhausted, been in the workshop all day. This is the WORST timing in 2 years for him to have done this, I have 4 days left to make my sculptures (still not made), I am incredibly stressed, then we have 4 days to clean and paint and rebuild the studios and install the work next week. In between, this weekend and next, I have to do sketchbook stuff, take photos, make a portfolio. I could cry from tiredness and worry. In 2 weeks (1 June) it will all be over.. but then.. will he have decided there was nothing really there? My head is fried right now.
Why did he say he was scared? What of? We got back together 18 months to the day from when he left me. Wierd hey. I dont even know if we are back together, he didnt say a word to me. He hasnt even contacted me all day (nor me him. Should I have????). I cant take this.. WTF am I supposed to be doing now? Backing off, not initiating and giving him space STILL (like the db mantra).. OR.. am I now supposed to be showing interest? Pursueing? Should I phone him?? I will wait a bit to see if he calls and if not, I will call him...
I just want to see him.. when I was with him, I just want to kiss him all the time (I didnt).. I literally felt 13 years old again. But I cant just be excited, I'm on tenderhooks wondering what he's thinking.
Your sitch has taken a wonderful turn and I'm sure it was incredible to feel his passion again. I can only imagine how difficult things are for you right now, but everyone has said "NOW comes the hard part. However, until you are living it, it doesn't make sense.
The key is what you've been told - patience w/no expectations. He has to come to you. Jeff reminded you of the hedgehog and that is what he'll become if you are pursuing.
So, now you have to be willing to wait it out. The corner has indeed been turned it seems. Now you need to let it happen on its own.
I'm sure it is frustrating to have to wait, but he's the one who is broken and there is no possible way this can be fixed quickly. It took time to break down and it will take time to build back up.
Remember this is a marathon and not a sprint at this point. The good news is you are firmly in the race, my dear.
Well played w/not meeting him, but I agree w/naej that your first impulses to ask him to come over and cook for him, etc., were the wrong ones. Good for you for resisting temptation. When in doubt, do nothing. Wait. Pauses are good for you to collect your thoughts as well as to build anticipation from him.
When you want to act, retreat a few steps first, let time pass, and think it over. Now is not the time to be acting on impulse. If you can do it, be patient, and wait, it will pay off for you in the long run. He'll contact you and he'll want to be w/you more.
Holding back will allow him to want to be w/you for HIS reasons and not b/c you want to be w/him. I hope that makes some sense, but if not, I'll blame it on the 100+ degree weather we're already getting here in Arizona.
Let him move at his pace Ali! I think he is scared to death! In his mind, you should hate him! It is going to take a while for him to really, really, believe that you don't. He is still the scared little hedgehog!
Ali, I so hope your working and not on the phone to a certain someone. Rightly or wrongly this is how you seem to me
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I just want to see him.. when I was with him, I just want to kiss him all the time (I didnt).. I literally felt 13 years old again. But I cant just be excited, I'm on tenderhooks wondering what he's thinking.
I want you to really try and focus now on your college work,what can happen to your rel. in 2 weeks come on Ali, we are all rooting for you and especially to get a good degree.
Discipline and restraint must be your mantra for the next 2 weeks, THEN ***** well that is up to you BUT be warned we will want all the goss. Please please,pretty please put yoursef first for 2 weeks. It will be so worth it on both counts. We all seem to be singing from the same hymn sheet.Sending you calming tranquil vibes.
Hey everyone.. I cracked it !!! I am making a outsize book, 3 foot by 2 foot, with pages floating off, somehow sticking straight off the wall..rising like a staircase, gently at first, then getting further and higher apart.. its my "arduous journey to wisdom" (Saturn opposed the Sun, if you're into astrology)..and trying different papers, Nepalese paper works! Its thin and light but super strong and rigid. I am so relieved!
Neaj.. how I seem here is not how I seem to him, I can be honest here though! So, seems you all think...do nothing!.. the 2 week thing though is freaking me out because of the damn Mercury Retrograde.
So yes, I was on the phone to him for nearly an hour.. he was chatty but sounded slightly nonplussed and yawned alot.. I joked, you must be v tired, or I must be v boring! He joked back, but then corrected it to, no, but in all seriousness you are NOT boring me at all.. so phew, a little reassurance for once! I talked about college, asked his opinion on the staircase, made NO mention of seeing him, said I am so busy..
He said he has a MF staying for the bank holiday weekend, I said "ohhh.." disappointed then mentally slapped myself and corrected it to a "OHHH! Sounds great!" he invited me (in a slightly awkward way) to go out with them Saturday and stay over. I have known this MF longer than him, 17 years.
So no mention of seeing me this week...he has football tommorow, a leaving do Thursday so that leaves Wednesday or Friday.. else its another night of drinking, with MF, Saturday.. so no time alone.
Rob.. I DID feel his passion! Friday night and again Saturday morning .. haha... but just a peck on the lips since.. seems like he is backing off a little since. I just have to accept it though and go at his pace. I might take advantage and quiz him gently when he is drunk on Saturday..I'm not feeling the romance yet.
Jeff, interesting perspective.. he thinks I ought to hate him. I guess the guilt could be hard to handle for him. He's still not 'with' me mentally.. he knows I am stupidly busy and a normal partner would offer to bring food, or takeaway or cook whilst I got on with this last week of my degree... but he hasnt offered. Still wrapped up in himself it seems and not able to 'give' to me yet. Or maybe he hasnt decided he wants back yet?
