Things are coming to a crunch.My LRT is making H even more angry. And this morning he blew up about the unpaid electricity bill-it`s in his name and he has always paid it as we don`t have a joint acc.

But of course it was about more than unpaid bills. He was angry with me for taking him to court for physically intimidating him. I tried to validate as much as possible "I know you are angry" "I understand you are hurt" and "We have to move on"

I also told him I has grieved for the relationship and recognize that we`re at a point where maybe we just have to let each other go and yet, keeps things as amicable and businesslike as possible for the sake of the children.

I said this wasn`t the time to talk about it as the kids were coming down for breakfast. I said perhaps we could talk about it tonight.

Oh he`s angry. And I think the electricity bill is just one of his ways to try and get at me. He knows I don`t overspend. He knows I`m earning less than him and knows from my statements where my money goes. He`s just trying to hurt me.

But we do need to set up a joint acc and nows my chance to get that. Even if/when we separate we`ll need it and it gives us greater independence to do whatever we want with our own money(or what will be left of it). My H has stalled on filling tax returns, and wants to keep most of our savings in his name. Time to get that sorted too.

I`m just aiming tonight to validate anything he has to say-not agree, just validate. We won`t get the finaces sorted in one night either. He can pay that bill out of our savings. But we can answer his concerns over the finances by having a more transparent system of bill payment.

So my mantras will be "I know you`re upset" "I understand you are hurt" "I`d like to think about that"

I know he is hurt but I believe he just wants to blame the death of our relationship on me.And probably avenge his hurt too while he`s at it.

So he gets to have an A, he refuses to go to MC, he physically intimidates me and yet its all my fault...

Hmmmm.

But I won`t say that of course.

Truth is I really don`t know if I`ll be negotiating for the best possible Separation or to keep the M. Because I just don`t know what I want.

But, at least detaching from me has left me in a calmer place.