Since my W told me she wanted to separate and divorce, we have been starting to put her wishes in motion. We are working on a separation agreement, we are getting out house ready to sell. We are discussing plan on her finding an apartment. I know that any of my DB work is not going to stop these things - these are going to happen within the next few months, too soon for me to expect the stopping of these actions to be a realistic goal.
. . .
I know I just need to go forward with this, make sure it is something I can live with in the future, and hope down the road that we reconcile.
JKL,
While it's wise to not pressure her or pursue her, you also do not need to (and shouldn't) do anything to make "her plan" any EASIER on her to accomplish. Are you?
Your position needs to be one of "I'm really sorry you feel this way, and I remain committed to trying to improve myself and our marriage if you'll let me. I won't do that with another person involved in our marriage, and I'm not going to help you run away from our family, but you're a grown woman and I can't stop you."
Does that make sense?
You also need to come to grips emotionally with the fact that this is likely a full-blown physical affair at this point. In my experience, a wayward spouse will almost always cop to one level LESS than what is going on, so you're wise to not believe her when she says they didn't have sex. I say this because for us men, we tend to equate the act of sex with the ultimate betrayal, but for women it's the strong emotional attachment that is actually the most meaningful. If you can get to a place in your own head of "it's just sex," it will be better for you in the long run.
