A new thread, a new outlook.....

[Can it work]

Hey PM

Thanks for your post. I sorted the problem with the birthdays yesterday when my W came to pick up Wee Man. While she was here I grabbed a pen and stood poised over the calendar and asked her for each of the dates as they came to me. She had no other option than to give me them. Frankly, it's not pursuing behaviour regardless of how she sees it. If however she does see it as pursuing that's her problem and she'll just have to get over it. This isn't about her and me at all. Her family are really good to me and I'm not going to lose contact with them or forget their birthdays just because she's acting like a petulant child.

I had a great weekend with Wee Man again and we had a lot of fun. The weather wasn't great so we didn't get out to do much but had fun playing around the house. That's him nearly 20 months now. I can hardly believe how quickly the time has been passing.

I've been thinking a lot lately about a thread Mark and Gucci Loafer have been contributing to regarding the use of jealousy as a DBing tool. I'm not comfortable with finding anyone else yet and I don't think I am going to be for some time to come. I do see a way to give the false impression of moving on though and I think it may help my sitch. I've taken the week off this week to do some spring cleaning and have decided I'm going to take down all my wedding photos I have around the house. I don't want to really but I'm also really concious of the fact that every time my W is here she sees the photos and that's bound to be a sign that I still haven't let go.

There's been a rumour going around lately that I'm involved with one of my female friends. My friend and I both think it's quite funny. There's no truth in it at all but it could be an opportunity for my W to think that I'm not going to wait forever. If I take the photos down it should even reinforce that thought with her. I realise that it could backfire but I also think it may help. At this stage, it's risk I'm willing to take. The other thing is that it might help me detach a bit more. It's not healthy for me to keep a picture of my W at the side of my bed to see before I go to bed every night. I have my own life now and aside from the whole separation thing I'm fairly happy with how it's going. Life is too short to stay stuck in limbo.

I did have a low moment last night because my W's first cousin gave birth to a wee girl yesterday. I felt low because I know that her whole family is going to be celebrating the birth a lot and I'm not going to be included. 6 months ago I would've been one of the first people to be invited to the celebrations. We were very close to her cousin and her husband. I'm still on very good terms with them but not part of the family circle any more. I know it's inevetible but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I am going to go get a card and a present for them today though. That's the least I can do. I'll probably visit them soon too when the immediate family bit has died down slightly.

So, to summarise, I think I've gotten to a point in my mind where I am able to detach a bit more. I'm not ready to move on with anyone else but think I really am ready to move on as an individual. I know I really have to let go if there's any chance of having a future with my W. As we all know, this is very counter intuitive but I also think it's necessary. Fingers crossed this next move doesn't backfire on me!

Kev