PM Thread #5 - Hope new plan works

[markhaving probs]

Hi PM,

I am sorry to hear things are not going too well for you, this is the rollercoaster we choose to go on isn't it.


[quote=PositivelyMommy
Thanks mdoodles. I know my H doesn't want to feel guilty. In fact, he is so adverse to it that he has himself convinced that he is not guilty.

My work now is to be OK with this. I need to detach more. It is not my job to make him feel guilty and make him see the light. Otherwise I would just be banging my head against the wall.

However, he won't reconsider if he doesn't feel that something is missing.


My BFF said that he doesn't feel loss now. That is why he does not have regrets. It makes sense. He gets the best of both worlds. A single life and parenting only when he feels like it. The Disneyland Dad syndrome.

So, I think moving away will instigate this sense of loss. Maybe he will be OK with this sense of loss. I don't know. Probably he will try to fabricate reasons in his mind to keep blaming me for his loss. Not my problem.[/quote]

PM,

I agree with you, my W does not feel any guilt whatsoever, in the fog they are in its their way of blocking out some of the root causes of the R they are also responsible for.

They won't reconsider at the moment because they are so sure and focused on the fact they feel they are doing the right thing. The crazy part them believing it is better for us to!

I might be wrong here but I believe we enable our WAS to 'cake eat' as we want to try and reconcile, but in DR'ing we give them the space to fulfil this new lifestyle they have chosen. We try to re-build our lives, but ultimately we want our family units back which makes DR'ing - detaching for instance incredibly difficult when there are children involved.

I am sure one day he will regret and understand his loss. At the moment you, like me cannot for one second see anything other than a fully commited WAS fast tracking to a new life. We must look at mdoodles' post and hope and pray there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am learning the hard way is isn't going to happen over night.

Take care PM.

ps. Please could you look over some posts from the weekend on my Anticipation thread, as I would love some feedback. Bless you, Mark