Is my sitch WAS or MLC?

[Dawn of Hope]

Innis,
Lying, check.
Affair(s), check,
Spending out the wazoo and then whining about finances, check.
Refusing to give details about his life, check.
Changing his story at every turn, check.
Saying you had plenty of chances to deal with whatever he decided was wrong with you/your R, check.
Blaming you for everything, check.
Selfish ME ME ME behavior, check, check, check.

If you haven't yet, look up "MLC for Dummies," which is somewhere on this site...maybe MLC resources (anyone have a link to it handy?). It's hard to believe, but that little piece may actually make you laugh, even while helping you see that you're not alone. You're getting a lot of the classic garbage behavior from your MLCer, which is no less painful just because there are so many people who have had similar experiences.

Everyone here is blindsided at first. We all ask ourselves what happened to the person we married, who this new and morally bankrupt person is in our spouse's body, how they could just turn off all the feelings they had for us (and the children), how they could go from loving, terrific people to someone we don't even like, how they can turn around and happily do all of these things they used to think were completely and utterly wrong...all of that stuff. I personally think it is some kind of deal going on in the brain that just short-circuits something for a few years. Some people have said that the MLCers who come out of it later don't even remember parts of their journey through the tunnel, and will swear up and down, "I never said that!" I've seen at least one example of that myself (my H claimed he never said he didn't believe in God anymore--WRONG!!), even though my H seems nowhere near coming out of the tunnel.

This is so, so hard. Just...unbelievably difficult. But for your own sake and your daughter's, you need to operate as though he is on the moon for the time being. Read and re-read DR as often as necessary. Never mind what he is thinking, or doing, or even who he's sleeping with...put it out of your mind as best you can (yes, believe me, I DO know how hard that is!). DO NOT snoop...it will only make your life more difficult, believe me. Concentrate on making yourself a better person...for YOU, and for your daughter, not for him. Detach as best you can, as quickly as you can.

All of these things are extremely hard, so true. But do them for YOU, because once you start doing them, they will make YOUR life better. And that can only lead to good things.

Peace and blessings,
Dawn