You wrote me a really thoughtful response to my sit, and I feel I owe you the same. Like me, you have moved from the hopeless self-pity stage to anger and resentment. As bad as it feels, it is a good thing, because it means that you are not hiding from your feelings, but are processing them. Don't get me wrong, it sucks, it hurts, it makes you want to scream and swear and just beat the crap out of something or someone. Find a way to channel that energy constructively, or it will tear you apart inside. I found relief listening to angry music (Nine Inch Nails) while doing something physical (mowing the lawn and splitting logs) and even though Sandi thinks I should be listening to more uplifting music (I agree to an extent), there is something cathartic to burning off some negative energy by listening to angry music and working up a sweat.
After you've worked up a sweat and expelled some of the negative energy, follow your advice to me and TURN IT OVER TO GOD. Read some scripture - there's a thread in the Prayer Circle here where many people have contributed verses that have helped them in their DBing, and they are well worth reading and bookmarking for times like these.
Hang in there my friend, we're both on this sucky roller coaster ride that neither of us want to be on, but WE SHALL OVERCOME. I'm praying for you and your family Kevin.
