Oldtimers: IS Mlcer good parent after crises?

[Sanderika]

Peace,

Please do not feel you have to defend your thoughts, feelings and wants.

I can completely understand and validate everything you are saying about your XH and your kids and I am right there with you.

Some of us can't bear the thought to have our babies in the company of our H's or XH's OW. We can't change. For me it brings me to a panic attack when I think about it.

I can't even imagine a place where this will make me feel comfortable.

I have had to put up with so much already with H just being with OW that I cannot add having to put up with OW spending any time with my son. This would destroy me once and for all....I won't allow it.

I feel this is one area where I do have control. I won't back down.

(((((hugs))))) to you, Peace...

Sanderika

[Astimegoeson]

Have you met the OW?

[peacetoday]

As Time
No I never met her
In our agreement , she can meet the kids in december 2009/not before
the weird thing is all this time 2 years my XH never wanted her to meet the kids until I confronted him when I found a lease

she is 28 and worked for my xh in 10/2005 for a few months
MY X and I will start co-parenting counseling next week, so Im sure that will help
thansk for checking in
peace

[Astimegoeson]

Maybe that relationship will fizzle out by 12/2009 and this will be water under the bridge. That older Man/younger Woman deal is usually a in-the-moment type relationship. Either way, it's best for all involved to foster that child/parent relationship.

[MidwesternGirl]

I think it depends.

My H is well aware that the kids will be angry with him at times but he has been pretty good. He has been good.

[aliveandkicking]

I feel this is one area where I do have control. I won't back down.

What can you do to stop it?

[aliveandkicking]

You have put him in a bad predicament, and in doing so, only your children are suffering.

How many hoops do you want the Man to jump through to see his children?

Holy cr*p. Do you see this? How did she "put him in a bad predicament"???? When do the spouses have any culpability for what they have put their families through? aaargh.

And, I am not saying that one should take such a hardline but, to propose that he is the victim...too much.

[peacetoday]

alive
as time
MWG
thanks for visiting and posting

I do not feel I did anything to XH
my kids are ok
if anything they feel some abandonment- hard not to as XH is moody and unavailable at times
but I did what I had to to protect the 3 of us
I dont know who she is and needed time to process this
I think XH would have done all this withdrawing anyway even if I wouldnt have stopped him from taking them overnights and meeting her

X and I will start coparenting next week I think if I use this therapist( im not totally sure about her yet)
a good therapist is important
im not sure what will happen in therapy with x after all this time apart

X still shows NO signs of any reconncecting to any of us
he is still using presciption meds anti anxiety to cope
he is still in debt (alot)
a lot of weight gain
the only movement I see from this end of the tunnel is H moving further away although I sense he may be searching for help
thus his willingness to go to co parenting with me
these sessiosn were advisied by the mediator and H agreed, so he bascically has to go but seems willing
peace

[Upside]

Hi peace-
I hope the co-parenting counseling will help your H reconnect with the kids...it would be nice if it helped him see the reality of the situation too but have no expectations of that happening.

I don't think you ever took a hard line about your XH taking your kids, just not wanting them to be exposed to the OW. I wish that more LBS were able to get a stipulation like that in their court order. I always pleaded with my XH to keep the kids away from the OW but that never happened...in fact, the more I pushed for that, the more she made it clear that I couldn't stop her. I just think that is evil!!! Be thankful that your XH agreed to wait...and a lot can happen in 8 months but still prepare yourself that it will happen just in case.

(((HUGS)))

[peacetoday]

Upside
How are you??

I got so angry today
The OW has a cell phone on our business account and she racked up a lot of extra charges
H wont let me take her off and I am powerless..the account is in his name, but as the secretary of business I poy the bills
so
I just got mad..letting it all go now
the stuff they put us thru
simetimes I am thinking /feeling its just unforgivable
peace