PM Thread #5 - Hope new plan works

[PositivelyMommy]

If I hadn't been such a 'bad' wife, he wouldn't have cheated. Also, I have heard "If I come home (before our divorce), this is what you would have to change (insert everything about me). I will not have to change at all".

LWB, thanks for visiting. Yes, that is how I feel exactly! Only my H has NOT EVEN entertained the idea of coming back so he would never say what I would have to change in order to make that happen. But I get the feeling that he definitely doesn't see a need on his end to change. My therapist says that when a person is resistant to change it's because of either depression or some sort of personality disorder. I am not sure which yet, but most likely depression.

One thing I say to people when asked what happened with our marriage is "xH wanted a single life, he wanted out, so I let him go". Easy to say, and most people know what it means.

Also, I tell xH when I hear about how this is all my fault "I will take the blame for my part in the distance that happened between us, but any action during or after your affair is on you".

Thank you so much for sharing your words with me. These are gems! It's how I feel but have been unable to express them so well as you. I will definitely try to remember to use these.

H has been lumping his infidelity with his unhappiness with me. Very unfair and unreasonable. Especially since his unhappiness with me is related to my complaints of how he prioritize his work over his family. Well, he is NOW listening to his counsellor on that front and is handling work better. In his words, 'I needed someone with a degree to tell me that I needed to take it easy with work and have some 'me' time.'

So when someone else explains it to him, he takes their advice. When I say it, it gives him an excuse to have an affair. WTF?

He doesn't see this as a conflict of logic. He totally believes it's justification. Fog, fog, fog.